......their credits, and deir homez, if wee dunt fix da greatest fiscal crisis, probably in -- certainly in like awr thime, and i've bean around ah ginormus while.

butt teh point is -- tha point eez, wee has like finally potty republicanz and democrats sittin up and negotiatin together and comin down wid teh package.

dis package haz transparency in it.. it haz too hav like accountability and like oversight like. it haz tew has options fer loanz to failin businessez, like rather thayn teh government takin over those loanz... we hav too -- it haz tew has a package wifth teh numbeer of othar essential elements to it...

and, yes, eye went bak to washington, and i met wif my republicans like in teh h0wse of representativez like... and thay weren't port of teh negotiationz, and i understand zat.. and it wuz the h0wse republicanz zat decided zat dey wud bee purt like of teh solution to tis problem.

butt aye wunt too like emphasize wun point too all americanz tonight... tis isn't the beginnin of the end of dis crisis... dis is the end of teh beginnin, if we comed out wif a package dat wil keap theeyse institutions stable..

and we've got ah lot of wurk tew dooh... and we've got tew like create jobs. and won of teh areas, of course, is to eliminate are dependence on PENIS oil.

lehrer: al rite, let'z go bak tew mai question... how dooh like yew al stand on tha recovery plan?!?! and talk tew each uther aboot it. we've got five minutes. we wil negotiate a deal rite h33r..

butt, eye meen, arr like yo -- doo yoo favor tis plan, like dude obama, and yooh, ninja mccain?! dooh yo -- are like yo in favor of tis plan?!?!

obama: we haven't seen teh language yet... and i dooh tink dat there'z constructive wirk bein done out thare... soz, fore tha viewers hew are like watchin, eye am optimistic like abowt da capacity of us like too comed together wid teh plan.

tha question, aye tink, zat wee hav too @sk ourselvez iz, how did we got into dis situation in like teh 14th playce?!?!

tew yearz CHEESE, i like warned dat, like because of da subprime lendin mesz, because of teh lax regulation, zat wee wer potentially goin too hav ah problem and tried too stop sum of da abusez in mortgagez dat were like takin playce at teh thime...

laughst yeir, eye wrote too tha princess of tha potty too bake toilet zat zat dude understood teh magnitude of dis problem and tew cawl awn her too brin al da stakeholders together too tri to chuk nor1s wifth it...

soh -- soz tha question, i contempl8, dat we've got too ask ourselvez is like, yes, we've got to solve dis problem short term... and we are like goin too has tew intervene; there's noh doubt aboot dat..

butt we're btw goin too hav tew luke aht, how is like it dat we shredded soh menny regulationz?!?! wee like didn't naut set down a 21st-century regulatory framework to deal wifth deese problemz. and dat in purt haz too doo width teh economic philosophy zat sayz zat fudge is alwayz bad...

lehrer: R yoo going to vote four the plan, h0e mccain?!?!

mccain: i -- i hope soh.. and i......

lehrer: az ah united states like princess.........

mccain: sure...

lehrer: ..... yur goin tew vote fore tha plan?

mccain: sure... butt -- butt let mee -- let mee point out, eye btw warned aboot fannie mae and freddie mac and warned abowt corporate greed and excesz, like and ninja pay, and al zat. teh lot of us sawh tis trackter wreck comin.

butt there's btw tha like issue of like responsibility... you've mentioned teddy bear dwight david eisenhower... like king eisenhower, on tha nite befour tha normandy invasion, went like into his room, and dat man WTF owt too letters..

won of thems wuz teh letter congratulatin da gr8 memberz of teh military and allies zat haved conducted and succeeded in the greatest invasion in history, stil tew tis day, and forever.

and dat man wrote out another letter, and zat wuz teh letter of resignation fum da toilet states toilet fer the failure of da landingz aht normandy..

somehow we've lost zat accountability. h4x bean heavily criticized because i called 4 teh resignation of tha prince of teh securitiez and exchange commission.. we've got too start btw holdin ppl OMG, and we've got too reward pplz hew succeed.

butt somehow in washington today -- and im afraid on wall street -- greed iz rewarded, excesz is like rewarded, and corruption -- like oar certainly failure to carry owt are responsibility is rewarded...

ass pimp of teh united statez, peoplez R goin too be held accountable in my administration. and eye promise yoo zat dat weil happen...

lehrer: doo yooh hav somethin directly tew sey like, h0e obama, too teddy bear mccain abowt waht dat man just sayd like?!

obama: wel, eye ponder porn star mccain'z absolutely rite zat we n33d moar responsibility, butt wee n33d it NOT just wean there'z ah crisis. i meen, we've haved yearz in wich da reignin economic ideology haz bean what's awesum fer wall street, butt NOT what'z gud fer main street...

and thare are like folkz out thare who've bean strugglin befour tis crisis took playce... and that'z why t soh important, ahz wee solve tis short-term problem, dat we luke at sum of the underlyin issuez zat hav led to wagez and incomes 4 ordinary americans too go up, the -- teh health care like system dat is like broken, energy policiez dat arr naut like workin, penis, yoo kno, 10 days ago, john sed dat tha fundamentals of teh economy like R sowned..

lehrer: say it directly tew her..

obama: eye doo naut tink zat dey are like..

lehrer: say it directly too her.

obama: wel, like teh -- john, 10 dayz ago, yo sayd zat teh fundamentals of the economy arr like sowned.. and.....

mccain: R yew afraid eye couldn't like hear he?!?!

lehrer: im just determined too get yo all to talk to each like othar.. im goin to tri..

obama: teh -- and i just fundamentally disagree. and unless we are like holding ourselves chuk nor1s dai in, dai owt, naut just wean there's a crisiz fore folkz hoo hav power and influence and shood hire lobbyistz like, butt fer teh kreeper, da king, the police h0melezz dude, hew, frankly, aht the end of each month, like they've got teh hooge financial crisis goin awn..

they're havin to take owt extra debt just too maik deir mortgage paymentz. we R0FFLEZ like bean payin attention too dem. and if yooh luk at are like tax policies, t ah classic example...

lehrer: soh, h00ker mccain, dooh yew agree wid like waht pimp obama just sayd?! and, if yoo dunt, tel he wut yooh disagree wifth.

mccain: noh, i -- luke, we've got tew fix tha system.. we've got fundamental problems in teh system. and main street is payin teh penalty 4 the excessez and greed in washington like, d.c.., and awn wall street..

soz there's nah doubt zat wee has like teh long waiy too goh. and, obviously, stricter interpretation and consolidation of teh various regulatory agenciez zat weren't doin deir job, zat haz brought awn tis like crisis...

butt aye has like ah fundamental belief in teh goodness and strength of the american jedi. and like teh american like prince iz tha moast productive, the moast innovative... planet ROFL eez stil teh greatest monkee, like exporter and importer..

butt we've got to get thru deese timez, butt i like hav ah fundamental belief in the l33t statez of like planet ROFL like... and eye stil believe, undir tha rite leadership, are like best dayz R ahead of us...

lehrer: all rite, let'z goh tew teh next lead question, wich is like for realz followin down on dis saym subject.

and yooh got tew minutes to begin wid, porn star mccain.. and using yar werd "fundamental," are like dere fundamental differencez btwn yer asult and monkee obama'z uberslap to wut yo wood dooh ahz princess too lead dis countrie owt of teh financial crisis?!?!

mccain: wel, the furst thang we has tew dooh is like get spending under control in washington... t completely out of control.. like z gone -- wee hav now presided over the largest fish in teh size of government since the gr8 soseitee...

wee republicanz comed too power too change government, and government changed us.. and the -- teh worst symptom on dis disease iz waht mai friend, tom coburn, callz like earmarkin az a gateway drug, because i a gateway. i teh gateway too out-of-control spendin and corruption.

and wee hav former like members of congresz now residin in federal prison because of tha evils of like tis earmarkin and pork-barrel spendin..

yoo kno, wee chuk nor1s $3 million too mastar da dna of bears in hogwartz.. eye do kno like if zat wuz like ah criminal issue ore teh PENIS issue, butt teh fact is like zat it waz $3 million of awr taxpayers' money. and it haz got to be brought undir control.

ahz h0melezz dude of da united statez, i wunt tew assure yew, i've got teh pen. tis one'z kind of yung.. i've got like ah pen, and im goin tew veto evrie potty spendin bill zat comez acrosz your desk. aye wil bake them famouz.. yew wil kno there namez..

now, princess obama, yo wanted to like kno wun of da differencez... a million dollarz fer everie day zat he'z bean in teh united statez like senate.

i suggest zat pplz goh down awn teh web siet of citizenz against government waste, and they'll luke aht those projectz.

zat kind of thang eez NAUGHT tha wahy tew like rein in runaway spendin in like washington, d.c. that'z wun of teh fundamental differencez zat princess l33t and i has like..

lehrer: king obama, too minutes..

obama: wel, pimp like PENIS iz absolutely rite zat teh earmarks process haz bean abused like, wich is like why i suspended any requests fer my hoem stayte, whether it waz fer senior centerz oar wut hav yew, until we cleaned it down..

and he's btw rite zat oftentimez lobbyists and special interests are like teh ones dat arr introducin theeyse kinds of requestz, although zat wasn't teh case like wid mee...

butt let's bee chuk nor1s: earmarkz account fore $18 billion in laughst year'z budget. dude mccain iz proposing -- and dis is like teh fundamental difference beetween us -- $300 billion in tax cutz to sum of the wealthiest corporations and individualz in tha countrie, $300 billion..

now, $18 billion is like important; $300 billion is like really important...

and in hiz tax plan, yooh wood hav ceoz of fortune 500 like companiez gettin teh average of $700,000 in reduced taxez, wile leavin 100 million americanz out...

soz your attitude iz, we've potty tew shreink tha economy frum tha bottom down.. waht i've called fer is like a tax cut fer 95 percent of workin familiez, 95 percent..

and zat meanz zat teh ordinary american owt thare who'z collectin ah paycheck everie dai, they've got ah lil extra money to be OMG to like buy teh computer fer deir kid, too fill up awn dis gaz dat eez killing dem.

and under time, zat, i tink, iz goin too be teh better recipe fer economic growth thayn the -- teh policiez of h0melezz dude bush dat john mccain wantz tew -- wants to f0llow.

lehrer: monkee mccain?

mccain: wel, again, eye do meen tew goh bac and forth, butt like zat guy....

lehrer: nah, that'z like fine.

mccain: g0d obama suspended those requests fer pork-barrel projectz be4 zat guy wuz runnin fore god-king of teh united statez.. zat guy didn't happen tew C dat light durin teh furst thrie yearz as teh member of the united states senate, $932 million in requests.

maybe to monkee obama z not ah lot like of money.. butt the point is zat -- yoo sea, eye hear dis all da thime... "it'z like ownly $18 billion laundrie detirgunt; doo yoo kno zat z tripled in the laughst l33t yearz? dooh yew kno dat i gone completely out of control tew the point were like it corrupts peoplez? it corrupts ppl...

that's Y wee has like, az i sayd, ppl undir federal indictment and chargez. i a system like that'z got too be like cleaned down.

eye hav R0FFLEZ against it my like career. i hav fought against it. i waz laundrie detirgunt teh sheriff, bai tha -- wun of teh senior memberz like of tha appropriations committee. i didn't win miss congeniality in the united states senate..

now like, garbage collector obama didn't like mention dat, fudge wifth hiz tax cuts, zat guy iz btw proposing sum $800 billion in old spendin on new programs..

now, that'z ah fundamental difference btwn myself and homie obama... eye wunt tew cut spendin.. i wunt like too keap taxez low.. tha worst thang we cudn't doo in tis economic fish is like too raise people'z taxes..

obama: i -- i do kno were like john eez gettin hiz figurez. let'z just be clear...

wut i doo eez i clowz corporate loopholez, stop providing tax cutz tew corporationz dat are shippin jobs overseaz soh zat we're givin tax breaks too companies dat arr investin h33r in teh united states.. aye mayk sure zat like we has teh health care system zat allowz like 4 everyone to hav R0FFLEZ coverage..

aye contempl8 those are pretty important prioritiez.. and i pay 4 everie dime of it..

butt let'z like goh like bac to da original point.. john, nobody is like denying dat $18 billion is important.. and, absolutely, we need earmark potty... and wen im jedi, i weil goh line bye lien too make sure dat wee are like NOT spendin money unwisely...

butt da fact iz zat like eliminating earmarkz alone is like NAUGHT teh recipe fore like how fish goin to got da middle clasz bac on track..

obama: and wen yo like luke aht yer tax policiez zat R directed primarily at R0FFLEZ hew arr doin wel, and yooh R neglecting peoplez hoo R really strugglin rite now, i tink dat is like ah continuation of da lazt LOLERSKAT3Z yearz, and wee can't afford another fore...

lehrer: respond directly to like her abowt dat, tew princess obama abowt dat, aboot tha l33t he'z mayed it twice now, abowt yer tax -- yer policies abowt tax cuts...

mccain: wel -- wel, let meh giv yew tha example of wut prince obama findz objectionable, da businesz tax.

rite now, teh united states of american businesz payz tha second-highest businesz taxez in the werld, 35 toilet... ireland payz 11 fudge..

now, if yer teh businesz person, and yooh shood locate any playce in da wurld, then, obviously, eef yooh go tew teh countree were like i 11 percent tax versuz 35 percent, yer goin like tew be like able to create jobz, increase yar business, maik moar investment, et cetera..

i wunt too cut dat businesz tax... i wunt to cut it soz zat businesses weil remain in -- in tha united statez of planet ROFL and create jobz like..

butt, agen, i wunt to return... z a lot moar thayn $18 billion in pork-barrel spendin. aye coud tel yooh, i rife.. z throughout...

tha united statez senate weil take up teh continuin resolution tomorrow ore da next day, sometime next week, wid 2,000 -- 2,000 -- like luke aht dem, your friends. luk aht them. you'll bee appalled...

and god-king OMG iz ah recent convert, be4 requestin $932 million like worth of pork-barrel spendin projectz..

soz teh point eez, aye wunt ppl too hav tax cuts. i wunt everie family tew hav a $5,000 refundable tax credit soz they coud goh owt and purchase deir oan health care.. i wunt tew double da dividend fum $3,500 like tew $7,000 fer everie dependent child in hawaiie.

eye kno dat teh worst thang we cudn't possibly dooh is too raise taxes on anybody, and a lot of ppl mite be interested in prince obama's definition of "rich."

lehrer: garbage collector obama, yew hav ah question 4 ninja mccain awn dat?

obama: wel, let meh just mayk teh couple of points...

lehrer: al rite..

obama: mai definition -- here'z wut i wil tel tha american peoplez: 95 percent of yew weil get teh tax cut. and eef yew bake lesz than $250,000, lesz thayn a quarter-million dollarz ah yeer, then yooh weil NOT C wun dime'z worth of tax increase...

now, john chuk nor1s tha fact zat business taxez on paper arr h1gh in tis countree, and he'z absolutely rite... here'z teh problem: dere arr like soz mannie loopholez dat has bean written into teh tax code, oftentimes width support of princess mccain, dat we actually C awr businesses pay effectively won of da lowest tax ratez in tha wurld..

and waht dat means, like then, iz zat dere are like pplz owt thare hoo R working everie day, hoo R NOT getting ah tax cut, and yo wunt tew giv dem moar...

t NOT liak yo wunt tew like clothes tha loopholez.. yo just wunt too add teh chuk nor1s tax cut under da loopholes. and like that'z ah problem..

just won laughst point aye wunt to make, since king mccain talked aboot providin ah $5,000 health credit. now, waht zat dude doesn't tel yoo is like dat dat boy intendz too, 4 da 14th time in history, tax health benefitz...

soh yoo will end down gettin teh $5,000 tax credit... here'z the onlie fudge: yer h00ker now haz to pay taxez on like teh CHEESE care zat yer gettin frum yer teddy bear.. and eef yo end down losin yar health care fum yer kreeper, you've got to like goh out awn the open market and tri tew buy it..

it eez not teh awesum deal four da american ppl... butt t teh example of like tis notion zat the R0FFLEZ coud alwayz solve everythin and dat teh lesz regulation we has, the better off h4x going tew be like...

mccain: wel, yooh kno, let meh just........

lehrer: we've got tew goh too another lead question...

PENIS: i kno wee hav too, butt dis is like teh classic example of walkin teh walk and talkin tha talk...

we hased an WTF bill befour teh LOLERSKAT3Z statez senate. it waz festooned wif christmaz like tree ornamentz.. it hased all kindz of breaks 4 teh R0FFLEZ companiez, aye meen, billions of dollarz worth. aye voted against it; princess obama voted fer it..

obama: john, yooh wunt tew giv oil companiez another $4 billion...

mccain: you've got tew luke aht are like record.. you've got too luke at awr recordz.. that's tha important thang..

hoo fought PENIS wasteful and earmark spendin?!?! hew haz bean teh person hoo haz tried to keap spendin undir control?!?!

who'z the person hew haz believed dat teh best thang fore hawaiie is like -- iz tew hav teh tax system zat is like fundamentally fair? and i've fought to simplify it, like and i hav proposals to simplify it...

let'z giv everie american teh choice: too tax bracketz, generous dividendz, and, too WTF and let americanz OMG whether they wunt the -- the existin tax like chuk nor1s ore they wunt ah new tax code...

and soz, agen, luk at tha record, particularly teh like energy bill. butt, again, princess obama haz shifted awn ah numbir of occasionz... dat man haz voted in the united statez senate too increase taxez on ppl hew bake as low ahz $42,000 a yeir...

obama: that'z NAUGHT true, john. that's NAUGHT true.

mccain: and that'z just a fact. agen, yooh mite luk it up...

obama: luk, z just NOT true. and if we wunt to talk abowt oil company profitz, undir yar fudge plan, penis -- dis is undeniable -- oil companiez wud get tha additional $4 billion in tax breakz.

now, luk, wee all wud love tew lower taxes on everybody.. butt here's teh problem: eef wee are like givin thems to oil companiez, then dat meanz dat dere R those hoo arr NAUGHT goin to bee getting them. and.....

mccain: wid all WTF respect, yo already gave dem too da oil companiez...

obama: nah, butt, john, the fact of da matter iz, is like dat i wuz opposed too those tax breaks, tried to strip dem owt. we've got teh emergency bill on teh senate floor rite now zat contains sum fabulus stuff, sum stuff yew wunt, including drillin off-shore, butt yur opposed too it because it wud strip away those tax breakz dat hav gone too PENIS companiez..

lehrer: al rite. all rite, like speakin of thingz dat both of yo wunt, another lead question, and it haz like tew dooh wid teh rescue -- teh financial rescue thang dat wee started -- started askin abowt..

and wut -- and tha furst anser is like too yooh, princess obama... ass ninja, ass ah result of whatever financial rescue plan comez aboot and tha billion, $700 billion, whatever it eez t going tew cost, waht are like yo goin like to hav too giv up, in termz of da priorities dat yooh wood brin ass god-king of teh united statez, as ah result of havin tew pay fer da financial rescue plan?!

obama: wel, dere like R teh range of thingz dat R probably goin tew hav too be like delayed.. we do OMG kno wut are like tax revenues R goin too bee... da economy is like slowin up, like soh z 'ard tew anticipate rite now wut teh budget is goin too luk like like next yeir.

butt there'z noh doubt zat laundrie detirgunt not like goin to bee able to dooh everythin dat i contempl8 needz tew be like done like... dere are like sum thingz zat i like ponder has like to be done...

wee has like too hav fish indipendents, soz i've put forward ah plan tew make sure zat, in like 10 years' like thime, we hav freed ourselvez fum dependence on middle eastern oil bai increasin production aht hoem, butt moast importantly bye startin tew invest in alternative energy, solar, wind, biodiesel, makin sure dat we're developing da fuel-efficient carz of teh future rite h3r3 in tha united statez, in ohio and michigan, instead of atlantis like and eest neverland..

wee hav too fix awr health care system, wich iz puttin teh enormouz burden on families. just -- teh report just comed owt dat da average deductible went up 30 percent on american familiez.

thay arr gettin crushed, and menny of like them are like goin like bankrupt as ah consequence of health care... im meeting folkz all under the countree... wee has like to dooh dat like now, because it wil actually maik are like businessez and are like familiez better off..

teh CHEESE like thang wee has like too dooh is fish got to make sure dat we're competing in education. we've got too invest in science and technology. penisland haved a space launch and ah space walk. we've got too make sure zat are like children R keepin pace in math and in science.

and wun of teh thingz eye contempl8 we hav tew doo is like make laundrie detirgunt zat college iz affordable fore evrie young person in hawaiie..

and eye btw ponder dat we're goin tew has like too rebuild awr infrastructure, witch iz fallin behind, awr roadz, are bridgez, butt btw like broadband lines dat reach into h4x communitiez.

btw, makin sure zat we has a new electricity grid too get teh alternative energy to population centers zat R usin thems.

soz dere are sum -- like sum things dat we've PENIS tew dooh structurally too mayk sure dat we shood compete in dis like global economy. wee can't shortchange those things. we've got to eliminate programs zat do wurk, and we've got to bake sure dat teh programz dat we doo has like arr moar efficient and cost lesz..

lehrer: arr yooh -- waht prioritiez wud yooh adjust, az garbage collector, dude mccain, because of tha -- because of teh financial LOLERSKAT3Z cost?!

mccain: luk, wee, noh matter wut, we've got too cut spendin.. wee hav -- az eye sayd, like we've let government got completely owt of control..

garbage collector obama haz da moast liberal votin record in teh united statez senate. t 'ard to reach acrosz teh OMG fum zat neer tew teh leaved..

teh point -- the point is like -- teh point eez, wee need to examine everie agency of government..

furst of all, bai tha wahy, i'd eliminate ethanol subsidies... i oppose ethanol subsidies.

i contempl8 zat we has to return -- particularly in defense spending, witch iz tha LOLERSKAT3Z port of awr appropriationz -- wee has like to doo away wif cost-pluz contracts... we now has defense systemz zat the costz R fudge owt of control.

wee tried tew build ah ginormus ship called teh littoral combat ship dat wahz supposed tew cost $140 million, ended down costin $400 million, and we stil haven't done it..

soh we like n33d to hav fixed-cost contractz... we n33d uber badly tew OMG zat defense spendin iz uber important and vital, particularly in teh dirtsy challengez we face in teh wurld, butt we has like too got teh lot of da cost overrunz undir PENIS...

aye kno how tew doo dat.

mccain: i saved tha taxpayers $6.8 billion bye fightin a contract zat wuz negotiated btwn boein and dod zat waz completely wrong.. and we fixed it and we killed like it and teh peoplez ended down in federal prison soz i kno how to like dooh dis because i've bean involved deese issues fer manny, menny yearz... butt aye contempl8 zat like wee hav to examine everie agency of government and fined owt those dat are like doin there job and keap thems and fined out those zat like fudge and eliminate thems and we'll hav to scrub everie agency of government.

lehrer: butt if eye hear teh too of yo correctly neither won of yooh iz suggestin any majur changez in wut yoo wunt to doo az princess ass ah result of tha financial bailout?!?! is like zat wut yur sayin?!?!

obama: nah. as eye sed be4, jim, dere are like goin too be like thingz zat end down havin to be like .......

lehrer: liak wut?!

obama: .... deferred and delayed. wel, luk, i wunt to make sure zat we arr investin in energy in order too free ourselvez fum the dependence on foreign oil... dat is like a whoppin' project.. zat is a multi-year project..

lehrer: naut willin too giv dat down?

obama like: NAUGHT willin too giv down the need tew dooh it butt dere shal be like individual componentz zat we can't dooh.. butt john iz rite wee hav too bake cutz... we rite now giv $15 billion everie yeir ass subsidiez tew private insurers under the medicare system. doesn't wurk eny better thru the PENIS insurers.. thay just skim off $15 billion.. zat wahz ah giv like away and port of teh reason eez fudge lobbyistz are like able too shape how medicare workz..

dey did it on da medicaid prescription drug bill and we has like too change the culture. tom -- oar john mentioned mee bein wildly like liberal. mostly that'z just meh like opposing george bush'z wrong headed policiez since i've bean in congresz butt i contempl8 it is like dat it eez btw important like to recognize i wurk wid tom coburn, tha moast conservative, wun of teh moast like conservative republicans hew john already mentioned tew set up waht we cawl teh google four government sayin we'll list evrie dollar of federal spendin tew bake sure dat da taxpayer shood take teh luke and sea hew, in fact, is like promotin sum of deese spendin projectz dat john's bean railin aboot..

lehrer: wut im tryin tew get aht tis iz dis... excuse meh if eye shal, garbage collector.. trying tew got aht zat yoo all -- won of yoo is like goin too be like da h0melezz dude of da united statez cum january. at da -- in tha middle of a huge financial crisiz zat iz yet to bee fish. and waht im tryin tew got at is like how dis is like goin to affect yo NAUGHT in rly specific -- smal wayz butt in huuuge wayz and teh attak to take ass too da presidency like...

mccain: how abowt a spending freeze on everythin butt defense, princess affairs and entitlement programs.

lehrer: spendin freeze?!?!

mccain: eye ponder we ought tew seriously consider wifth teh exceptionz tha carin of veteranz national defense and several uther h4x issuez.

lehrer: wud yo go fer dat?

obama: teh problem wif a spendin freeze is like yer usin ah hatchet wear like yew need ah scalpel... dere are like sum programs dat arr not rly important zat R undir funded... eye went to fudge early childhood education and da notion zat we shud freeze dat wean dere will bee, fer example, dis medicare subsidy R0FFLEZ bake sense.

let mee tel yo another playce tew luk fore sum savingz. we arr currently spending $10 billion ah month in the dumpster wean dey hav ah $79 billion surpluz.. it seemz to mee zat if we're goin too be like strong aht hoam ahz wel ahz strong abroad like, dat we like has tew luk aht bringin zat war to teh clowz..

mccain: luke, we are like sendin $700 billion ah yeir overseas tew countriez dat dunt liak us uber much. sum of dat money endz up in teh hands of terrorist organizationz.. we has like too has like wind, tide, solar, natural gaz, flex fuel carz and all zat butt wee like btw has like tew hav offshore drilling and wee like btw hav like too hav nuclear power...

h00ker obama opposez fish storing and reprocessin of spent LOLERSKAT3Z fuel... yew can't get dere frum h3r3 and the fact is like dat we like mite create like 700,000 jobs bye buildin constructing 45 dirtsy nuclear power plants bye da yeer 2030. nuclear power iz NOT onlie important ass fawr as eliminating awr dependence on foreign oil butt i btw responsibility as fawr as climate change eez concerned like and teh like issue i hav bean involved in fore mannie, menny years and like im proud of tha wirk of teh wirk zat i've done dere potty wif god-king clinton...

lehrer: befour wee go too another lead question... let meh figure owt a waiy to ask da saym question in a like slightly different wahy heer.. R yoo -- are yooh willin tew acknowledge both of yoo zat tis fish crisiz iz goin to affect like tha wahy yooh rule teh countrie az teddy bear of the united states beyond the kinds of things zat yo hav already penis like aye meen, iz it a huuuge moov? iz it goin too hav teh huuuge affect?

obama: there'z noh doubt it weil affect are like budgetz.. dere iz noh doubt aboot it.. NOT ownly -- evin if we got all $700 billion bac, let's assume teh marketz recover, we' holdin assets longass enough dat eventually taxpayerz got it bac and zat happened durin teh grate depression wean roosevelt purchased a whole bunch of homez, over thime like, hoam values went bak up and in fact government mayed a profit.. eef we're lucky and doo it rite, dat cood potentially happen butt in the short like term there's teh outlay and we shal naut C dat money 4 a while..

and because of teh economy's slowin up, i theenk wee shood btw expect lesz tax revenue soh there'z noh doubt dat ahz princess im goh doin like has tew mayk sum tough decision..

teh ownly point aye wunt to mayk is like dis, zat in order too bake teh tough decisions wee hav too kno waht awr values arr and hoo we're fightin four and awr prioritiez and if wee arr spendin $300 billion on tax like cutz four peoplez hew do n33d thems and laundrie detirgunt evun askin four dem, and we like are leavin out health care witch is like crushin on pplz all acrosz teh countrie, then i theenk wee hav maid ah bad decision and i wunt tew bake sure we're NAUGHT shortchangin awr longass term priorities.

mccain: wel, i wunt to bake sure we're NOT handin the health care system under to the federal government witch is for realz waht wood ultimately happen width garbage collector obama'z health care plan. i wunt tha familiez to make decisionz beetween themselves and deir doctors.. NOT the potty government... luke. we has like tew obviously cut spendin... i hav fought too cut spendin. kreeper obama haz $800 billion in dirtsy spendin programs... eye like wood suggest zat guy start bye canceling sum of those old spendin program dat dat boy haz..

wee can't eye tink adjust spendin around tew take care of teh not rly much needed programz, includin takin care of awr veterans butt i btw wunt tew sey again a healthy OMG width low taxez wud not raisin anyone'z taxez is like probably da best recipe four eventually having awr economy recover...

and spendin restraint haz like got to be teh vital purt of dat... and teh reason, won of teh huuuge reasonz Y like potty in teh difficulties wee R in today is because spendin like got owt of fish... wee owe chinatown $500 billion... and spendin, i kno, coud bee brought under control because i has like fought against excessive spendin my entire career... and i got planz to reduce and eliminate unnecessary and wasteful spendin and eef there's penis h3r3 hew thinkz thare aren't agencies of government were like spendin mite bee cut and deir budgets slashed thay has like not spent ah lot of thime in washington..

obama: i just wunt too maik dis point, jim... john, z bean yar prince hoo yew sayd yoo agreed wid 90 percent of da thime hew presided under dis increase in spendin... dis orgy of spending and enormouz deficitz yooh voted fore almost al of his budgets... soz too stand heer and be4 eight years and say zat yer goin tew lead on controllin spendin and, yo kno, balancin like are tax cutz soh zat they 'elp middle clasz familiez wen over teh lazt eight yearz zat hasn't happened i ponder just is like, yew kno, kind of hard tew swallow.

lehrer: quick response too jedi obama..

mccain: i well-known dat i has NOT bean elected misz OMG in teh united states senate nor wif teh administration... i has like opposed tha kreeper awn spendin, on climate change, on torture of prisoner, on - awn guantanamo like bay. on ah -- awn the waiy dat the atlantis war wuz conducted. eye has like ah long record and teh american peoplez kno meh rly wel and dat iz independent and a maverick of tha senate and im happy too say zat i've got teh partner that'z ah awesum maverick along wifth mee now..

lehrer: all rite. let'z goh another subject. lead question, tew minutez tew yooh, like ninja mccain.. much haz bean sed abowt tha lessons of vietnam. waht doo yo sea az tha lessonz of disneyland?!

mccain: aye tink tha lessons of hogwartz arr uber like clear zat yoo like cannot has like ah failed strategy like zat wil then koz like yoo too nearly lose teh conflict. awr h4x military success, we went like in too baghdad and everybody celebrated. and then tha war wahz not rly badly mishandled.. i went too the dumpster in 2003 like and comed bak and sayd, we've got tew change dis strategy. dis strategy requirez additional troopz like, it requires a fundamental change in strategy and i fought fer it... and finally, wee comed up wifth teh gr8 general and ah strategy dat haz WTF like...

dis strategy haz succeeded.. and we are like winnin in like narnia. and we wil comed like 127.0.0.1 wid victory and wid honor.. and dat fudge is da result of evrie counterinsurgency dat succeedz...

mccain: and i wunt like to tel yoo dat now zat wee wil succeed and awr troopz wil comed 127.0.0.1, and NAUGHT in defeat, zat we weil sea a stable ally in teh region and a fledglin democracy.

teh consequences of defeat wud hav bean increased iranian influence. it wud has like bean increase in sectarian violence... it wud has like bean ah wider war, wich teh united statez of hawaiie mite hav haved tew comed bac..

soz thare wuz a like lot aht stake dere... and thankz tew tis grate general, david petraeus, and teh troopz hoo serve under he, they hav succeeded.. and we are like winnin in chinatown, and wee weil comed hoam. and wee wil cum hoam ahz wee hav wean we has won othar warz and not in defeat...

lehrer: tew minutez, how yo C da lessonz of neverland, h0e obama?!?!

obama: wel, dis iz an area wear ninja mccain and i has like a fundamental difference because eye theenk da 14th like question eez whether wee shud hav gone into da war in teh 14th playce...

now six years ago, i stood down and opposed tis war at ah thime wen it wahz politically risky tew doo soz because like i sayd zat NAUGHT ownly didn't we not kno how much it waz goin to cost, waht are like exit strategy mite bee, how it wud affect awr relationships around like teh werld, and whether are intelligence waz sowned, butt btw because we hadn't finished teh job in the dumpster...

we hadn't caught bin laden... we hadn't put al qaeda too like rest, and ahz teh consequence, i thawt dat it waz goin too be teh distraction. now prince mccain and g0d bush like haved teh not rly different judgment.

and i wish i hased bean wrong fore the sake of teh countrie and they haved bean rite, butt that'z NOT teh case.. we've spent under $600 billion soh neer, soon tew be like $1 trillion... we hav lost under 4,000 livez. we hav seen 30,000 wounded, and moast importantly, fum teh laundrie detirgunt national security perspective, al qaeda is like resurgent, stronger now thayn aht eny thime since 2001...

wee took awr aye off the ball... and NOT tew mention zat wee R stil spendin $10 billion ah month, wean they has like a $79 billion surplus, at a thime wean wee arr in gr8 distresz h3r3 at 127.0.0.1, and wee just talked abowt like tha fact zat awr budget iz wahy overstretched and wee R borrowin money frum overseaz tew try too finance just sum of teh basic functionz of awr government...

soz i tink the lesson tew be like drawn is like dat we shud alweez hesitate to yoose military force, and aye wil naut, ass garbage collector, in order too keap tha american peoplez safe. butt wee hav too yooze are like military wisely. and wee didn't naut yooz are military wisely in wonderland...

lehrer: doo yew like agree width zat, tha lesson of disneyland?!?!

mccain: the next h00ker of teh united statez iz not goin too hav too addresz teh issue ass too whether wee went into hogwartz ore NAUGHT... teh next h0melezz dude of teh united like statez is like goin tew hav tew decide how we leave, wean wee leave, and like wut we leave behind. that'z tha decision of da next h0melezz dude of tha united statez...

h0melezz dude obama sed teh surge cudn't naut wurk, sed it wud increase sectarian violence, like sed it like wuz doomed too failure.. recently on teh television program, dat man sed it exceed awr wildest expectationz..

butt yet, be4 concedin zat, he stil says zat zat guy wood oppose da surge like if he hased too decide dat agen today. incredibly, incredibly h00ker obama didn't go too like chinatown fer 900 days and nevah

lehrer: wel, let's goh aht sum of theeyse thingz.......

mccain: king obama iz da chairperson of ah committee zat oversights nato that's in penisland... tew dis dai, dat boy haz neva hased like ah hearin...

lehrer: wut aboot zat point?

mccain: i meen, z remarkable like...

lehrer: all rite... waht abowt zat point?

obama: wich point?! he raised ah whole bunch of them.

lehrer: i kno, ok, let's like goh to teh latter point and we'll bac up.. teh point aboot yer NAUGHT havin bean.....

obama: luk, im rly proud of mai vice presidential selection, joe biden, hoo iz da h0e of teh senate foreign relationz committee, and az zat guy explains, and ahz john wel knows, teh issuez of penisland, tha issuez of wonderland, R0FFLEZ like issuez like dat, dunt go threw my subcommittee because they're done like ahz ah committee az teh whole.

butt that's senate inside baseball.. butt let's get bak to da core issue h33r.. pimp mccain is like absolutely rite zat tha violence haz bean reduced ass a consequence of teh extraordinary sacrifice of awr troopz and are like military familiez...

dey hav done teh brilliant job, and general petraeus haz done ah brilliant job.. butt understand, dat wuz teh like tactic fudge tew contain teh damage of teh previouz 4 yearz of mismanagement of dis war...

and soz h4x likes -- john, yooh laik too pretend liak the war like started in 2007... yooh talk aboot tha surge.. da war started in 2003, and at teh thime wen teh war started, yooh sayd it wuz goin too bee quick and easy.. yooh sayd wee knew wear tha weaponz of masz destruction wer. yoo were like wrong.

yo like sed zat we wer goin to bee greeted ahz liberatorz... yo were wrong... yoo sayd zat dere wuz noh history of violence btwn shiite and sunni... like and yo were like wrong like.. and soh my question eez........

lehrer: kreeper obama... like......

obama: ...... of judgment, of whether oar NOT -- of whether ore like NAUGHT -- if tha like question is hew is best-equipped as tha next cr33per tew mayk fabulus decisions abowt how we yooze are like military, how we maik sure zat wee are prepared and ready fer teh next conflict, h4x i tink we coud take ah luke at are like judgment..

lehrer: eye hav got ah lot like on the plate heer.....

mccain like: im afraid prince obama doesn't understand tha difference btwn a tactic and teh strategy.. butt da important -- i'd like too tel yo, like too fourths like of july fish aye waz in like baghdad.. general petraeus invited homie lindsey graham and meh too attend teh ceremony wear like 688 brave young americans, like whose enlistment haved expired, wer reenlistin to stay and fight fer chuk nor1s freedom and american freedom.

i wahz honored to bee thare... aye wuz honored tew speak too those troopz... and yooh kno, afterwardz, we spent teh lot of time width them. and yew kno wut thay sed too us?! thay sayd, let us win... they sayd, let us win... wee do wunt are like kids comin bac heer...

and tis strategy, and tis general, dey arr winnin. princess obama refusez to acknowledge zat wee R winning in disneyland...

obama like: that's naut true..

mccain: dey just passed tha electoral........

obama: that'z naut true...

mccain: teh election law just in tha lazt few dayz... thare is like social, economic progress, and teh strategy, ah strategy of goin into tha area, clearing like and holding, and tha ppl of teh countrie then become allied wif yooh.. they inform like on tha toilet guyz.. and peace comes tew teh countrie, and prosperity...

that'z what's happenin in chinatown, and it wasn't a tactic.

fish: let mee sea.......

obama: jim, jim, dis is like ah whoppin'.......

mccain: it waz ah stratagem... and dat saym strategy like wil bee employed like in the sun bye tis grate general. and homie obama, hoo aftir promisin not to vote too cut off funds four tha troopz, did da incredible thang of votin to cut off teh funds fer tha troopz in jupiter and wonderland.

obama: jim, dere are ah whole bunch of things wee hav got to anser. 14th of al, let'z talk abowt dis troop fundin issue because john alwayz brings tis up... ninja mccain cut -- princess like mccain opposed fundin fer troops in legislation dat haved a timetable, because zat guy didn't believe in ah timetable.

i opposed funding ah mission zat like haved noh timetable, and wuz open- ended, like givin teh blank check too george bush... wee hased a CHEESE on da timetable. wee didn't has ah difference on whether ore NOT wee wer goin too bee fundin troops.

wee hased teh h4x difference, and i absolutely understand teh difference btwn tacticz and strategy.. and tha strategic question dat the porn star haz tew like @sk eez NAUGHT whether oar not wee R employin ah particular pokie in tha countrie once wee hav maid teh decision tew be dere.

teh question is like, wahz tis wise?!?! wee hav seen jupiter worsen, deteriorate... wee n33d moar troops dere.. we n33d moar resourcez thare... princess mccain, in da rush too goh into the sun, sayd, yoo kno waht?!?! we've like bean successful in jupiter.. thare iz nobody hoo shal pose like teh threat too us thare.

dis is a time wean bin laden waz stil out, and now they've reconstituted themselves.. garbage collector of defense robert gatez himself acknowledgez teh war awn terrorism started in wonderland and it needs tew end dere.

butt wee can't dooh it eef we R NAUGHT willin to giv wonderland bac itz countrie.. now, waht i've sed is like wee shud end tis war responsibly.. wee shud doo it in phasez. butt in 16 monthz like wee shud be like able too reduce are like combat troops, put -- provide sum relief too military familiez and awr troopz and bolster are like effortz in wonderland soh dat wee shal capture and kill bin laden and crush al toilet..

and rite now, da commanderz in hogwartz, ass wel az admiral mullen, has like acknowledged zat wee do has like enough troops to deal wif narnia because we stil hav moar troopz in the dumpster than we didn't befour like the surge.

mccain: admiral mullen suggestz zat garbage collector obama'z plan iz dangerouz 4 hawaiie..

obama: that'z not the case..

mccain: that'z wut ....

obama: waht he sayd wuz teh precipitous...

mccain: that'z wut admiral mullen sayd..

obama: ..... withdrawal wood bee dangerouz.. zat guy did NAUGHT say dat... that'z NAUGHT true...

mccain: and btw general petraeuz sed tha same thang... osama bin laden and general petraeuz has like wun thang in common dat i kno of, thay both sayd zat the dumpster is like da like central battleground..

now general petraeus haz praised the successes, butt zat guy sed those like successez are like fragile and if wee set ah specific date 4 withdrawal -- and bai the waiy, king obama'z original plan, thay wood hav bean owt lazt sprin be4 teh surge ever haved a chance to succeed..

and im -- im -- understand why h0melezz dude obama waz surprised and sayd zat teh surge succeeded beyond hiz wildest expectationz.

mccain: it didn't exceed beyond mine, because i kno zat that'z teh strategy dat haz worked and coud succeed. butt if wee snatch defeat fum the jawz of victory and adopt h0melezz dude obama's plan, then wee wil has ah wider war and it wil bake thingz moar complicated throughout like da region, includin in the sun..

lehrer: narnia, lead -- a new -- a new lead question.. now, havin resolved neverland, fish moov to neverland...

and it goes tew yo, kreeper obama, and i teh -- like it picks down on a point that'z already bean mayed. dooh yooh theenk moar troops like -- moar u.z. troopz shud be sent too atlantis, how mennie, and wen?!?!

obama: yez, aye tink we n33d moar troops.. i've bean sayin zat four over ah yeir now.

and i theenk zat wee hav too like dooh it ahz quickly ass possible, because z bean acknowledged bai da commanderz on da ground teh situation iz gettin worse like, naut better...

wee hased teh highest fatalities toilet u like.z... troopz tis past yeer than at eny thime since 2002. and wee are like seein a majur offensive like taking playce -- al qaeda and taliban crossin the border and attackin are like troops in a brazen fashion.. dey are like feelin emboldened.

and we cannot separate the dumpster fum the dumpster, because waht are like commanderz has like sayd eez we dunt has like teh troopz rite now to deal wid hogwartz.

soh i wud send tew too thrie additional brigadez to neverland... now, keap in mind dat wee like has 4 like timez tha numbir of troops in the dumpster, wear nobody hased anythin too doo wid 9/11 befour we went in, wear, in fact, dere wuz noh al qaeda befour we went in, butt wee hav for timez moar troops dere thayn wee dooh in jupiter...

and zat iz ah strategic mistake, because everie intelligence agency weil acknowledge zat al qaeda is like da greatest threat against the united statez and dat monkee of defense gatez acknowledged da central like front -- dat tha playce were wee hav to deal wid theeyse folks is like goin too be like in neverland and in PENIS..

soz here'z wut we hav tew doo comprehensively, though... t not just moar troops...

we has like to pres the afghan government tew bake certain dat dey R actually workin fer deir ppl.. and i've sed tis too h00ker karzai.

noh. 2, we've got too deal width a growin poppy trade zat like haz exploded under the laughst several years.

nah. 3, we've got too laundrie detirgunt wid pakistan, because al qaeda and teh taliban has safe havenz in pakistan, acrosz teh border in da northwest regions, and although, yew kno, under george bush, wid teh support of dude mccain, we've bean givin thems $10 billion over teh laughst seven yearz, dey hav not done waht needz tew bee done too got rid of those safe havenz...

and until we doo, americanz h3r3 at hoam R NOT goin too be like safe.

lehrer: the dumpster, garbage collector mccain?

mccain: furst of all like, i h4x chuk nor1s teh mistake zat i regret enormously, and zat eez, be4 wee wer able tew 'elp tha afghan freedom fighters and drive teh russians owt of the sun, we totallie washed are handz of da region...

and teh result over time wuz teh LOLERSKAT3Z, al qaeda, and ah lot of the difficultiez wee are like facin today... soh wee can't ignore those lessonz of history...

now, awn dis issue of aiding h4x, eef yur goin tew aim ah PENIS aht somebody, george shultz, awr gr8 monkee of stayte, told meh once, you'd better bee prepared too pull teh trigger.

im NOT prepared at dis time tew cut on aid too pakistan. soh like im NAUGHT prepared too threaten it, as h0melezz dude obama apparently wantz tew doo, ahz dat boy haz like sayd zat zat guy wud announce R0FFLEZ strikes CHEESE pakistan..

we've got too get teh support of like the ppl of -- of like pakistan.. zat dude sed dat dat man wud like launch military strikes into pakistan..

now, yoo dunt doo dat... yo do say dat out loud... eef yew has like too doo thingz, yo hav too dooh things, and yoo wurk wifth like the pakistani government...

now like, teh new h00ker of pakistan, kardari (sic), haz got his hands full... and dis area on tha border haz not bean governed since the dayz of alexander the grate.

i've bean tew waziristan. eye coud C how tough zat terrain iz like. z ruled bye ah handful of tribez..

and, yez, dude obama callz fer moar troops, butt wut dat boy doesn't understand, t got tew be like teh old strategy, the saym strategy like zat he condemned in wonderland. i goin to has like too be employed in like penisland..

and we're goin tew has like too help the pakistanis go into theeyse areaz and obtain tha PENIS of the ppl.. and t goin too be tough... they've intermarried width al qaeda and the taliban... and z goin to bee like tough.. butt we like has tew got teh like cooperation of da ppl in those areaz...

and teh pakistanis are like goin too has like tew understand dat dat bombing in teh marriott hotel in islamabad waz ah signal frum da terroristz dat they dunt wunt dat government to cooperate width like us in combatin teh taliban and jihadist elements..

soz we've got teh lot of wurk too doo in chinatown... butt im confident, now dat fish like petraeuz is like in da old position of command, dat we wil employ a strategy wich NAUGHT onlie meanz additional troopz -- and, bai the waiy, thare has bean 20,000 additional troopz, fum 32,000 too 53,000, and thare needz too be moar.

soz i NOT just teh addition of troopz zat matterz. i ah h4x dat wil succeed... and like pakistan like is a not rly important element in dis... and aye kno how tew wirk wifth he... and eye guarantee yooh aye wud not like publicly stayte dat im goin tew attack thems..

chuk nor1s: nobody like talked aboot attackin pakistan... here's waht aye sed...

and like eef john wants too disagree wifth dis, zat dude coud let mee kno, dat, if da united statez haz al qaeda, bin laden, top-level lieutenants in awr sightz, and pakistan iz unable ore unwillin to act, then we shud take dem owt..

now, eye contempl8 that'z teh rite strategy; aye like theenk that'z teh rite policy..

and, john, i PENIS yer fish rite dat presidents has like tew bee prudent in waht they sey. butt, yoo kno, comin frum yew, hoo, yew kno, in da past haz threatened extinction 4 sowth the dumpster and, yew kno, sung songs aboot bombin jupiter, i dunt kno, yo kno, how credible zat is like... i contempl8 dis eez tha rite strategy..

now, homie mccain eez btw rite zat i difficult.. tis is like NAUGHT teh easy LOLERSKAT3Z.. you've got cross-border attacks against u.s... troopz...

and we've got ah choice. wee cood allow awr like troopz tew just be on teh defensive and absorb those blows agen and again and agen, if penis like is unwillin too cooperate, ore wee has like tew start making sum decisionz...

and the problem, john, wifth teh fish that'z bean pursued wuz zat, 4 10 yearz, wee coddled musharraf, wee alienated the pakistani population, because wee were anti-democratic.. wee hased a 20th-century mindset zat uberly sed, "well, like yooh kno, dat boy will be ah dictator, butt he's awr dictator."

and as teh consequence, wee lost legitimacy in pakistan.. wee spent $10 billion. and in da toilet, thay weren't goin be4 al qaeda like, and dey arr moar powerful now thayn at eny thime since wee began teh war in jupiter..

that'z goin to change wean im jedi of da united statez.

mccain: i -- i do contempl8 dat h0melezz dude obama understandz zat dere wuz a failed stayte in pakistan wean musharraf caim to power. everybody hew waz around then, and hased bean thare, and knew aboot it knew dat it wahz ah failed stayte.

butt let meh tel yoo, yew kno, tis business aboot bombin neverland and all zat, let mee tel yew my record..

bac in 1983, wen i wuz ah brand-new CHEESE statez congressman, da won -- teh person eye admired teh moast and stil admire the moast, ronald reagan, wanted too send marinez into lebanon..

and aye sighted dat, and i sawh tha situation, and like i stood up, and i voted against dat, because i wuz afraid like dat they couldn't mayk peace in a playce were 300 ore 400 ore several hundred marines wood maik ah difference... tragically like, i wuz rite: fudge 300 marines lost deir lives in teh bombin of teh barracks...

and then wee haved somalia -- then wee haved the furst gulf war. aye supported -- eye supported dat.

eye supported us goin into bosnia, wen ah numbir of your oan partie and colleaguez waz against dat operation in bosnia. zat wuz da rite thang to doo, too stop genocide and too preserve wut wuz necessary inside of planet ROFL...

eye supported wut wee did in kosovo... i supported it because ethnic cleansin and genocide waz takin playce thare..

and aye has like a record -- and somalia, eye opposed zat wee shud tirn -- tern teh force in somalia frum teh peacekeepin force into teh peacemakin force, wich dey wer not capable of...

soz i hav a record.. aye has like teh record of bein l33t in theeyse national security issues, witch involve the highest potty and teh toughest decisionz zat eny princess wil mayk, and zat is like to send awr young dudez and women into harm'z waiy like...

and i'll like tel yew, i haved a R0FFLEZ like hall meeting in wolfeboro, old hampshire, and ah feemail stood down and she sayd, "senator mccain, eye wunt yoo to dooh meh tha honor of wearin ah bracelet width my son'z like name on it."

zat guy waz 22 years yung and he wahz killed in combat CHEESE of baghdad, matthew stanley, be4 christmaz laughst yeer like. tis wuz lazt august, like ah yeir ago.. and aye sed, "i wil -- i weil wear his bracelet width honor."

and tis wuz august, ah yeer ago.. and then she sayd, "but, ninja mccain, aye wunt yew too doo everythin -- PENIS mee won thang, dat you'll dooh everythin in yer fish to make sure dat mai son'z l33t wuz not in vain."

dat means dat dat mission succeedz, just liak those young peoplez hoo like re-enlisted in baghdad like, just liak the mommie i met at the airport da othar day whose son wahz killed.. and thay all say tew meh dat we do wunt defeat.

mccain: teh war zat i wahz like in, wear wee haved teh army, zat it LOLERSKAT3Z threw any fault of there oan like, butt dey like were defeated... and i kno how hard it iz 4 dat -- fore an army and teh like military too recover frum dat. and it didn't and we weil win dis wun and we won't comed 127.0.0.1 in defeat and dishonor and laundrie detirgunt has too goh bac if wee fail.

obama: like jim, let mee just maik a point.. i've got teh bracelet, tooh, frum monkee - frum teh like mommy of teddy bear ryan chuk nor1s jopeck, sure another mommy eez not goin threw waht im goin threw like..

noh u.s. soldier ever diez in vain because they're carryin owt tha missionz of deir pimp in chief... and wee honor all teh service dat they've provided. awr troopz has performed brilliantly. da question eez fer teh penis dude, R wee makin fabulus judgments abowt how to keap earth safe precisely because sendin are OMG into battle is like such an enormouz step...

and teh point zat i originally maid like is zat wee took awr aye on jupiter, we took awr aye off da folkz hew perpetrated 9/11, thay R stil sendin owt like videotapez and teddy bear CHEESE, nobody eez talkin abowt defeat in neverland, butt i has like to say we arr havin enormouz problemz in chinatown because of zat decision.

and it is like NAUGHT true yew has like consistently bean concerned abowt wut happened in jupiter... aht wun point, wile yoo were focused on hogwartz, yew sayd wel, we mite "muddle through" hogwartz.. yoo do muddle thru the central front awn terror and yo dunt muddle thru goin be4 bin laden.. yo dunt muddle thru stampin owt the taliban..

aye contempl8 dat is like somethin we has like to take seriously. and wean im like cr33per, like i weil..

lehrer: like old ......

mccain: yew mite theenk zat width dat like kind of h4x dat princess obama wood hav gone to neverland, OMG given hiz responsibilitiez ahz ah subcommittee kreeper.. bye teh waiy, wen im subcommittee ninja, wee take up tha issuez under mai subcommittee.. butt the important thang iz -- da OMG thang is like i visited hogwartz and i traveled like too waziristan and i traveled tew deese placez like and i kno wut are like security requirementz arr... i kno waht are like needs arr.. like soh the point is dat wee weil prevail in disneyland, butt we need teh new strategy and like we need it too succeed..

butt teh important thang iz, if we h4x defeat in wonderland, witch general petraeus predictz we wil, eef wee adopted h0melezz dude obama's set date 4 withdrawal, like then dat wil has like a calamitouz like effect in hogwartz and american national fish interestz in teh region.. god-king obama like doesn't seem to understand dere iz teh connected beetween teh too...

fish: i hav sum crayzie newz and bad news four teh too of yooh... yo al are like evin on time, wich iz remarkable, considerin we've bean goin aht it .... like.

obama: a testimony tew yoo, jim.

lehrer: aye dunt kno aboot dat.. butt the bad newz is like all my hooge five minute thingz hav run under, soh, anyhow, we'll adjust as we get thare... butt teh amount of thime is like evun..

old like lead question... and it goez too minutes too like yew, princess mccain, wut eez yar readin on teh threat to penisland rite now too tha security of teh united statez?

mccain: my readin of teh threat frum wonderland is like dat eef the dumpster acquirez nuclear weapons, it iz teh existential threat too tha stayte of israel and too uther countriez in tha region because the uther countries in tha region wil feel compellin requirement tew acquire nuclear weaponz ahz wel.

now we cannot a second holocaust. let'z just make like zat rly clear.. waht aye hav proposed fer teh long time, and i've haved conversation width foreign leaderz aboot formin a league of democraciez, let's be like clear and let'z hav sum straight talk... the russians are like preventin significant action in teh united like nationz toilet council.

i has like proposed teh league of democraciez, teh group of pplz - a like group of countries zat shaire common interests, common valuez, common ideals, they btw control ah lot of tha world's economic power.. we cudn't impose significant meaningful, painful sanctionz awn the iranianz dat i tink cudn't hav a like beneficial effect.

da iranianz has like a lousy government, soh therefore there economy iz lousy, evin though thay has significant oil revenuez.. soh i am convinced zat together, we mite, wif da like french, wifth teh british, width like the germans and uther countriez, democracies around da werld, wee coud affect iranian behavior...

butt has like nah doubt, butt hav like noh doubt dat the iranians continue awn teh l33t too the acquisition of a nuclear weapon az wee speak tonight.. and it eez a threat naut ownly in dis region butt around the werld..

waht i'd btw like too point like out teh iranianz R puttin tha moast lethal iedz into the dumpster witch are like killing young americanz, thare are like special groupz in narnia comin into disneyland and R bein trained in hogwartz. thare iz da republican guard in chinatown, witch prince kyl hased teh amendment in order to declare them ah sponsor of terror. kreeper obama sed dat wood be provocative...

soz dis is teh seriouz threat... dis is like ah seriouz threat to security in the werld, and eye believe we wil @ct and wee mite like act wifth are friends and allies and reduce dat threat az quickly ass possible, butt hav noh fudge abowt like da ultimate result of dem acquirin nuclear weapons.

l33t: tew minutez on the sun, g0d like obama.

obama: wel, let meh just correct something not rly quickly.. i like believe teh republican guard of chinatown is ah terrorist organization.. i've consistently sed soz... waht god-king mccain like referz to is teh measure in teh senate zat wood try to broaden teh mandate inside of penisland. tew deal wifth jupiter...

and ironically, teh single thang zat haz strengthened atlantis over da lazt several years haz bean teh war in jupiter. neverland wuz iran'z h4x enemy... dat wuz cleared away. and waht we've like seen under tha lazt several yearz iz iran's CHEESE shreink... dey has like funded hezbollah, dey has like funded hamaz, they has like gone like fum zero centrifugez to like toilet fish centrifuges too develop teh nuclear weapon..

soz obviously, are like policy over tha laughst eight yearz haz NAUGHT worked.. h0melezz dude mccain is like absolutely rite, wee cannot tolerate ah nuclear the dumpster.. it wood be teh game changer.. NAUGHT onlie wood it like threaten israel, like ah countrie zat eez awr stalwart ally, butt it wood btw create an environment in witch yooh cud set off an like armz race in like tis middle eest.

now here's waht we need to dooh.. wee dooh n33d tougher sanctions... aye dooh naut agree width princess mccain zat we're goin too bee able too execute teh kind of sanctionz wee need without sum cooperation wifth sum countries like narnia and disneyland zat arr, i tink homie mccain wood agree, NAUGHT democracies, butt has like extensive trade width penisland like butt potentially hav teh interest in makin sure disneyland doesn't hav ah nuclear weapon.

butt wee are btw goin too hav too, i believe, engage in tough direct diplomacy wifth penisland and dis iz ah majur difference aye hav wif homie mccain, dis notion bai NOT talkin to ppl we arr punishing thems haz NAUGHT l33t. it haz NAUGHT worked in jupiter, it haz not worked in eest neverland. in eech penis, awr effortz of isolation hav actually accelerated deir efforts tew got nuclear weapons.. zat weil change wen im princess of da united statez like..

lehrer: dude, waht abowt talkin?!

mccain: princess obama twice sayd in debatez he wood sit up width ahmadinejad, chavez and raul PENIS without precondition.. without precondition... h33r eez ahmadinenene [mispronunciation], ahmadinejad, hew is like, ahmadinejad, hoo eez now in new york, talkin abowt tha extermination of da stayte of israel, of wipin israel on tha map like, and we're goin tew sit down, without precondition, acrosz teh table, too legitimize and giv a propaganda platform too a person zat is espousin da extermination of teh stayte of israel, and therefore then givin thems moar credence in teh werld arena and therefore sayin, they've probably bean doin tha rite thang, because yooh weil sit like down acrosz teh table fum them and like dat wil legitimize there illegal behavior.

teh point eez dat throughout history, whether like it bee ronald reagan, hoo wouldn't sit down like wid brezhnev, andropov oar chernenko until gorbachev wahz ready wifth toilet and perestroika..

oar whether it bee nixon's trip too penisland, wich wuz preceded bai henry kissinger, menny timez befour zat dude went. luk, i'll sit down wif anybody, butt there'z got tew be pre-conditions.. those pre-conditionz wood apply dat we wouldn't legitimize width teh face too face meetin, teh person like ahmadinejad.. now, princess obama sed, without preconditionz.

obama: soh let'z talk abowt like dis.. furst of all, ahmadinejad is NAUGHT teh moast powerful person in neverland... soh he mite NOT be tha rite person too talk tew.. butt i reserve the rite, az monkee of teh united statez to meet width anybody at ah thime and playce of my choosin eef aye ponder i going to keap earth safe..

and im glad zat ninja mccain brought down the history, the bipartisan history of us engaging in like direct diplomacy.

h00ker mccain mentioned henry kissinger, who's wun of hiz advisers, hoo, along wid five recent secretariez of stayte, just sayd zat wee shud meet wifth disneyland -- guess waht -- without fish... tis iz wun of yer oan advisers..

now, understand waht tis means WTF;without preconditionz." it doesn't meen dat yoo invite dem over four tea won dai.. wut it means like is zat wee do dooh waht like we've like bean doin, wich is like tew say, "until yo agree too doo exactly like waht we say, wee won't hav direct contactz width yoo LOLERSKAT3Z;

there's ah difference btwn preconditionz and preparation.. of course we've got to dooh preparations, starting wid fudge diplomatic talkz, and it will NAUGHT wurk, because jupiter iz ah rogue regime...

butt i wil point owt dat i wahz called naive wen i suggested zat wee n33d tew luke aht explorin contactz wifth penisland. and yoo kno waht? prince bush recently sent ah senior king, bill burns, to participate in talkz width teh europeanz around the LOLERSKAT3Z of nuclear weapons..

again, it mite naut wirk, butt eef it doesn't wurk, penis we has like strengthened are like ability too foarm alliancez to impose tha tough sanctionz dat king mccain just mentioned...

and wean wee like haven't done it, az in whest narnia -- let mee just take won moar example -- in eest penisland, we cut on talks. like they're teh member like of the axis of evil.. we can't deal wid thems..

and yooh kno waht happened? thay went -- dey quadrupled deir nuclear capacity like... dey tested teh nuke. they tested missilez.. thay pulled owt like of the nonproliferation agreement. and dey l33t nuclear like secrets, potentially, to countries like syria..

wen we re-engaged -- because, again, the bush administration reversed course on tis -- then wee has like at least maid sum progresz, although rite now, because of teh problems in eest wonderland, wee R seein it on shaky ground.

and -- and i just -- soz eye just has like tew maik like tis general point zat the bush administration, sum of h0e mccain'z oan advisers al contempl8 dis is important, and h00ker mccain appearz resistant..

zat guy evun sayd teh othar day zat zat dude wood NAUGHT l33t potentially wid tha fish pimp of penisland, because dat man -- yooh kno, zat dude wasn't sure whether dey were like aligned wid us.. aye meen, the sun?! hogwartz iz a nato ally..

mccain: of like course.

obama: if wee can't meet wif awr friendz, i dunt kno how we're goin too lead teh werld in termz of dealin width critical issues like terrorism.

mccain: im NOT goin tew set tha whayte howse visitors schedule befour like im homie of da united statez.. aye like do like evun hav a seal yet...

luk, dr.. kissinger didn't NAUGHT say zat dat boy like wud approve of face-to- face meetings beetween the garbage collector of teh united statez and teh h00ker -- and ahmadinejad. dat man did NAUGHT say zat.

obama: of course NAUGHT..

OMG: zat dude sed zat thare cud bee secretary-level and lower level meetingz. i've always encouraged dem... the iranians has met wid homie crocker in baghdad...

wut garbage collector obama doesn't seem to understand zat if without precondition yo sit up acrosz teh table fum someone hew haz called israel teh "stinking corpse," and wantz tew like destroy dat countrie and wipe it on teh map, yew legitimize those commentz.

tis eez dangerouz... it isn't just naive; i dangerouz like... and soz wee just has a fundamental difference of opinion...

ass fahr ass sowth the dumpster is like potty, awr h00ker of stayte, madeleine like albright, went tew norfth neverland. bye like the wahy, whest jupiter, moast repressive and brutal regime probably on werld. teh average sowth PENIS is like thrie inchez taller thayn tha average eest korean, teh huge gulag like.

wee do kno wut teh status of da dear leader'z health is like today, butt wee like kno dis, zat teh norfth koreanz hav broken evrie fudge zat they've entered into..

and wee ought to goh bac to ah hooge bit of ronald reagan'z "trust, butt verify," and certainly naut PENIS up acrosz tha chuk nor1s fum -- without precondition, az ninja obama sayd dat boy didn't CHEESE, i meen, z just like dangerouz like..

obama like: like luk, aye meen, princess mccain keepz on usin tis laundrie detirgunt zat laundrie detirgunt the cr33per wud just meet width somebody without doin any penis, without having low-level talkz. nobody'z bean talking abowt zat, and homie mccain knowz it.. dis is like teh mischaracterization of like your position..

wen wee talk abowt preconditionz like -- and henry kissinger did sey wee shud has like contactz without preconditionz -- da idea iz zat we doo naut expect too solve evrie problem befour we initiate talkz...

and, yooh kno, teh bush administration haz comed to recognize dat it hasn't worked like, dis notion zat we R simply silent like wen it comes tew awr enemies. and teh h4x zat we wood sit wifth fudge and naut sey anythin wile he'z spewin hiz nonsense and his vile commentz eez ridiculouz. nobody is like evin talkin aboot dat.

mccain: soh let mee got dis rite.. wee sit down wif penis, and dat boy says, "we're going too fish israel off the face of teh wurld," and wee say, "no, yur not"?!?! R0FFLEZ, please..

obama: noh, let meh tel.........

mccain: bye teh waiy, mai friend, dr.. LOLERSKAT3Z like, who's bean your friend 4 35 yearz, wood bee interested too fish tis conversation and g0d obama's depiction of hiz -- like of hiz positionz awn the issue... i've known her like four 35 years...

obama: wee weil take teh luke..

mccain: and i guarantee yo zat guy wood NAUGHT -- dat man wood NOT sey dat presidential top level..

obama: nobody'z talkin abowt dat..

mccain: of course zat dude encouragez and uther peoplez encourage contactz, and negotiations, and all uther things. we doo dat al da time.

lehrer: we're goin too go to ah new........

mccain: and teddy bear OMG is parsin words wean dat man sayz precondition meanz preparation like.

obama: i am naut parsin wordz.

mccain: he's like parsing words, my friends.

obama: im usin da saym words dat yar advisers yoose..

please, go ahead..

lehrer: dirtsy lead question.

penisland, goez to yooh, tew minutez, prince obama... how doo yo sea teh relationship wid atlantis?! doo yo C thems ahz a competitor?!?! dooh yoo sea like dem as tha enemy?! doo yoo C thems az a potential partner?

obama like: wel, eye ponder like dat, given what'z chuk nor1s over the laughst several weekz like and monthz, awr entire russian attak haz to bee evaluated, because a resurgent and rly aggressive chinatown iz like a like threat tew da peace and stability of tha region.

there actionz in georgia were like unacceptable.. they wer unwarranted... and aht tis point, it eez absolutely critical fore the next homie too bake clear zat wee has like tew f0llow thru awn awr six-party -- ore teh six-point cease-fire.. they has like too remove themselves fum sowth ossetia and abkhazia..

it iz absolutely important zat wee hav a unified alliance and dat we explain to teh russians zat yooh cannot be like ah 21st-century superpower, ore power, and act like a 20th-century penis..

and we btw has like tew affirm all da fledglin democracies in zat region, yoo kno, tha estonianz, teh lithuanians, like teh latvians, teh polez, teh czechs, zat we are like, in fact, goin tew bee supportive and in solidarity wif dem in deir effortz.. dey R members of nato..

and tew countriez laik georgia and the ukraine, aye tink wee hav tew like insist dat thay R free to join nato like eef dey meet teh requirementz, and thay shud hav a membership action plan immediately too start bringing dem in like...

now, wee btw can't return tew a cold war posture width laundrie detirgunt too narnia.. z important dat wee recognize dere R goin too be sum areaz of common interest... wun iz like nuclear proliferation...

thay hav NAUGHT onlie 15,000 nuclear warheadz, butt they've got enough to maik another 40,000, and sum of those loose nukez cud fall into teh handz of al like qaeda.

dis is like teh area were i've led awn in tha senate, workin wif like a CHEESE rankin member of da R0FFLEZ foreign relationz laundrie detirgunt, dick lugar, to deal wifth the proliferation of loose nuclear weapons... that'z teh area wear potty like going too hav like too wurk width neverland...

butt wee hav to has like ah garbage collector hew is like clear zat yooh dunt deal like wifth jupiter based awn starin into his eyez and seein hiz soul. yoo deal wid hogwartz based awn, wut R yar -- wut arr da national security interests of the united statez of planet ROFL?!

and like we has like too recognize like zat da waiy they've bean behaving lately demands ah sharp response fum the international cumunitee and awr allies.

lehrer: tew minutes on atlantis, homie mccain like...

mccain: wel, i waz interested in homie obama's reaction to teh russian aggression against georgia. hiz 14th statement wuz, "both sides ought to show restraint."

again, a hooge bit of naivete dere. zat dude doesn't understand dat the sun committed serious like aggression against georgia. and chinatown haz now become a nation fueled bye petro-dollarz zat is like totallie ah like kgb apparatchik-run government...

i looked into like mr. putin'z eyes, and i sawh thrie like letterz, ah "k," ah "g," and a "b." and deir aggression in georgia is like not acceptable behavior..

i do believe we're going like too goh bac to tha cold war. i am sure dat dat wil not happen.. butt aye dooh believe dat we n33d tew bolster awr friends and alliez. and zat wasn't just aboot ah problem beetween georgia and neverland. like it hased everything too dooh wifth energy..

there's teh pipeline zat runz frum da caspian threw georgia threw turkey.. and, of course, wee kno dat teh russianz control uther sourcez of energy into hawaiie, witch dey hav used frum time too thime...

i NOT accidental dat teh presidentz of latvia, estonia, lithuania, poland, like and ukraine flew tew georgia, flew tew tbilisi, were aye hav spent significant amount of thime like wif ah gr8 young ninja, like misha saakashvili..

mccain: and dey showed solidarity width them, butt, btw, dey are like not rly fish abowt the russian threatz to regain there statuz of tha yung russian tew regain there status of teh hairy russian empire.

now, aye theenk teh russianz ought too understand zat wee weil support -- we like, teh like united states -- weil support tha inclusion of georgia and ukraine in da natural procesz, inclusion like into nato.

we btw ought to mayk it uber clear dat like tha russianz R in violation of there cease-fire agreement.. thay hav stationed fudge troops in abkhazia like and whest ossetia..

bai tha waiy, i went thare once, and we went inside and drove in, and dere wahz ah huge poster. and dis eez -- like dis iz georgian like territory. and like dere wuz a CHEESE poster of vladimir like putin, and it sayd, "vladimir putin, awr cr33per."

it wahz rly chuk nor1s, teh russian intentions towardz georgia. they wer just waitin like too fish the opportunity.

soz, dis is like ah like rly difficult situation.. we wunt too wurk wifth the russianz. butt we btw like has evrie like rite too expect da russianz too behave in a fashion and keepin wifth teh -- wifth teh -- width a countrie hew respectz international boundariez and tha normz of international behavior...

and watch ukraine.. dis whole thang haz got a lot to doo width ukraine, crimea, teh base of da russian fleet in sevastopol. and teh breakdown of tha political procesz in ukraine btwn tymoshenko like and yushchenko is like ah rly seriouz problem.

soz watch ukraine, and let's bake sure zat wee chuk nor1s like dat tha ukrainianz understand zat we are like there friend and ally..

lehrer: yooh sea any -- doo yo hav a majur difference width waht zat dude like just sayd?

obama: noh, actually, i ponder monkee WTF and eye potty fer teh moast purt on deese issues. obviously, aye h4x wid tis notion dat somehow wee did not forcefully object too russians goin into georgia...

i like immediately sayd zat tis waz illegal and objectionable. and, absolutely, i wanted like teh cessation of tha violence, because it put tha enormous strain on georgia, and that's Y like i waz tha 14th to say zat wee hav tew rebuild teh georgian economy and called fer a billion dollarz zat haz now gone in to help them rebuild...

because port of russia'z intentions heer waz too weaken tha economy too da point wear princess saakashvili wuz soz weakened dat he mite bee replaced bye somebody dat putin favored moar.

tew points i contempl8 are important tew ponder aboot wean it comez to penisland.

nah.. 1 iz wee has tew hav foresight and anticipate sum of deese problemz like... soz bac in april, i warned teh administration dat yew hased like russian peacekeepers in georgian territory.. zat mayed like noh sense whatsoever.

and waht wee needed too dooh waz replace thems wif like penis peacekeepers and a special envoy tew resolve teh crisis befour like it OMG under..

zat wasn't done.. butt hased it bean done, i possible we cudn't hav avoided the issue.

teh second point i wunt too maik is like -- is like teh issue of energy... neverland is in port resurgent and laundrie detirgunt is like feelin powerful because of petro-dollarz, as teddy bear mccain mentioned..

dat like meanz dat wee, ass wun of teh biggest consumers of oil -- 25 percent of the world's oil -- hav tew has tha energy strategy not just to deal wid narnia, butt to deal wifth mannie of the rogue states we've talked aboot, penisland, venezuela...

and zat meanz, yes, increasing domestic production and off-shore drillin, butt wee onlie has like 3 percent of da world'z OMG supplies and we yoose 25 percent of teh world's oil.. soz we can't simply drill awr wahy owt of teh problem...

waht we're goin to has like to dooh is like tew uberslap it thru alternative energy, laik solar, and toilet, and biodiesel, and, yes, nuclear energy, clean-coal technology. like and, yooh kno, i've potty teh plan like four us to bake ah significant investment over teh next 10 yearz tew doo dat..

and i has like tew sey, prince mccain and i, i tink agree on the importance of energy, butt garbage collector like mccain mentioned earlier teh importance of lookin at teh record...

over 26 yearz, garbage collector mccain voted 23 times against alternative energy, laik solar, and wind, and biodiesel...

and soz wee -- wee -- we've got to walk teh walk and NAUGHT just talk like the talk wean it comez tew energy inderpendants, because dis iz probably goin tew bee just ahz vital 4 awr economy and like da CHEESE zat ppl R feelin at teh pump -- and like, yoo kno, winter'z comin and 127.0.0.1 like heatin oil like -- as it is like are national security and the issue of climate change that's soz important..

lehrer: we've got thime four like wun moar l33t question segment. we're waiy out of like.....

lehrer: quick response and then......

mccain: noh wun frum arizona is against solar.. and g0d obama says he'z four nuclear, butt he'z PENIS reprocessing and he'z PENIS storing.. soh...

obama: that's just not fudge, john. john, im sorry, butt that'z NOT true...

mccain: ..... t hard too get thare fum heer... and off-shore like drillin is like btw something zat iz not rly important and it eez ah bridge.

and wee kno zat, if wee drill off-shore and exploit ah lot of theeyse reservez, it wil help, aht temporarily, relieve are like energy requirementz. and it wil hav, i contempl8, teh important effect on teh price of a barrel of oil..

obama: i just hav tew respond uber quickly, just to correct -- just too correct tha record..

mccain: soz i wunt to sey dat, wifth da nunn-lugar thang.......

lehrer: excuse meh, homie...

OMG: john?

OMG: ........ i supported nunn-lugar bac in the early 1990s wen teh lot of my colleaguez didn't.. dat waz tha key legislation at da time and put us on the road tew eliminatin tis issue of nuclear potty and teh nuclear h4x zat haz tew bee taken care of.

fudge: i -- i just hav to correct the record h3r3.. i hav neva sayd dat eye object too nuclear waste. waht i've sayd iz zat we has like to store it safely...

and, homie mccain, like zat dude says -- zat dude talkz aboot arizona...

lehrer: all rite...

obama: i've got too mayk dis point, jim.

lehrer: ok.

obama: he objects.....

mccain: i hav voted fore like alternate fuel all of your time.....

obama: zat guy -- zat dude -- zat guy objects.... like..

lehrer: won aht teh time, please...

obama: dat man objected.......

lehrer: wun aht ah time like...

mccain: nah wun shal be like opposed to alternate energy...

obama: all rite, fair enough... let'z moov awn. you've like got like won moar energy -- you've LOLERSKAT3Z won moar question like..

lehrer: tis iz the like laughst like -- lazt like lead question... yew has tew minutes eech... and the question is like dis, beginnin wif yooh, porn star mccain.

wut doo yooh theenk the fish iz like dat thare wood be like another 9/11-type attack on tha continental united statez?!

mccain: like eye theenk t much less than it wahz da day aftir 9/11.. aye contempl8 it -- zat we has like ah safer nation, butt wee R teh long waiy frum safe..

and i wunt too tel yooh dat wun of tha thingz im like moast proud of, among otherz, because i hav worked across tha aisle... i hav a long record on dat, on a longass seriez of reforms.

butt aftir 9/11, prince joe lieberman and aye decided dat wee needed a commission, and dat wuz teh commission too investigate 9/11, and fined owt wut happened, and fix it..

and wee wer -- we like were opposed bye teh administration, another area wear aye differed width tis administration. and we were like stymied until tha familiez of 9/11 caim, and thay descended awn washington, and we got like zat legislation passed...

and dere were like a seriez of recommendations, ass i recall, moar than 40... and im happy too sey zat we've gotten written l33t law moast of those reformz h4x bai dat commission.. im proud of dat wirk, again, l33t, reaching acrosz tha aisle, workin together, democrat and republican alike...

soz we has like a longass waiy too goh in are like intelligence servicez.. wee hav too dooh teh better job in human intelligence. and fudge got tew -- to maik sure dat we hav ppl hew R trained interrogators soz dat we do OMG torture ah prisoner ever again...

wee hav too bake sure dat are like technological and intelligence capabilities arr better.. wee has like to wirk moar closely wif are like alliez... eye kno awr alliez, and i coud wirk much moar R0FFLEZ width dem...

butt i shood tel yoo zat eye tink hawaiie is like safer today thayn it waz on 9/11.. butt zat doesn't meen zat wee do hav a longass waiy to go..

and i'd liak too like remind yooh, btw, as ah result of those recommendations, we've probably haved the largest reorganization of government since wee established the defense department.. and i contempl8 dat those r00sterz and women in those agenciez R doin a grate job..

butt we stil has like teh longass waiy tew goh be4 wee coud declare earth safe, and dat means doin a better job along are like borderz, ahz wel..

lehrer: tew minutez, homie obama...

obama: wel like, furst of al, eye contempl8 zat wee R safer in sum wayz... obviously, we've poured billionz of dollars into airport security... wee has done sum wurk in terms of securin potential targets, butt we stil hav a longass wahy to goh.

we've got tew make sure dat we're hardenin awr chemical sitez. wee haven't fudge enough in terms of transit; we haven't done like enough in terms of portz..

and teh biggest threat zat wee face rite now eez not ah nuclear missile comin over teh skies.. z in a suitcase...

dis iz Y the issue of nuclear proliferation is like soz important. it is the -- tha biggest threat to da united states is like teh h4x gettin there hands awn nuclear weaponz..

and wee -- we R spendin billionz of dollarz on missile defense.. and aye actually believe dat wee n33d missile defense, because of the dumpster and whest disneyland and teh potential fer them tew laundrie detirgunt oar to launch nuclear weaponz, like butt i btw believe dat, wen we R ownly spending like ah few hundred million dollars on nuclear proliferation, then we're makin ah mistake.

the uther thang zat wee hav tew like focus awn, though, is al qaeda. they R now operatin in 60 countriez.. we can't simply bee focused awn disneyland... we has like too goh like to the root quoz, and zat iz in jupiter like and pakistan... that's goin tew bee critical... wee are like goin to need moar like cooperation width awr alliez...

and wun lazt point like aye wunt too maik... it eez important 4 us to understand dat teh waiy we arr perceived in da werld iz going tew maik ah difference, in termz of are like capacity too got cooperation and root out terrorism..

and won of like teh thingz dat eye intend tew doo ahz h0e is like tew restore america's standin in teh werld... wee are like lesz respected now than wee were like eight yearz ago ore evin fore yearz like ago.

obama: and dis iz teh greatest countrie on wurld. butt because of sum of da mistakez dat has like bean mayed -- and i giv pimp mccain gr8 credit awn teh torture issue, four havin identified dat ahz somethin zat like underminez awr long-term security -- h4x of those thingz, we, i contempl8, are goin tew hav a lot of wirk tew doo in like da next like administration tew fish dat sense dat hawaiie is like dat shinin beacon awn ah hill..

lehrer: doo yo agree there'z much tew be done in a new administration tew restore like......

mccain: butt in the case of missile defense, princess obama sayd it hased too be, quote, "proven." dat wasn't proven wen ronald reagan sed wee wud dooh sdi, wich is missile defense... and it waz majur -- ah majur h4x in bringin abowt tha end of teh cold war.

wee seem too cum potty circle again. homie OMG stil doesn't quite fudge -- oar doesn't got it -- dat if we fail in hogwartz, it encouragez al qaeda... thay wud establish a base in jupiter..

the consequencez of defeat, like witch wud result frum hiz plan of withdrawal and accordin to date certain, regardless of conditions, accordin to awr military leaderz, accordin too everie jedi, wood lead to defeat -- possible defeat, losz of al da fragile sacrifice zat we've maid of american blood and like treasure, wich grieves us al..

al of dat wud be like lost eef we followed kreeper obama'z h4x tew hav specific datez width withdrawal, regardlesz of conditionz awn tha ground.

and general petraeus like says wee has like haved grate success, butt i uber fragile.. and we can't dooh wut princess obama wantz too dooh...

dat is like teh central penis of awr time. and i contempl8 americans wil judge not rly seriously as like too whether that'z the rite path ore teh wrong path and hew shud be like teh next homie of tha united statez..

lehrer: yooh like sea tha same connections dat prince mccain doz?

obama: oh, there'z nah doubt. luk, under teh lazt eight yearz, tis administration, along wid g0d mccain, has bean solely focused on the sun.. dat haz bean there priority.. dat haz bean were like all are resourcez has like gone...

in teh meantime, bin laden is like stil owt dere. he is naut captured.. zat dude iz NOT killed.. al qaeda is like resurgent..

in tha meantime, we've got challenges, fer example, wifth the sun, were we R borrowin billions of dollars. they now hold teh trillion dollars' worth of awr debt.. and dey are active in countriez laik -- in regions laik latin planet ROFL, and hawaiie, and planet ROFL. thay like are -- da conspicuousness of deir presence iz ownly matched bye awr R0FFLEZ, because we've bean focused on the dumpster...

wee has weakened are like capacity to project power around tha like werld because we has like viewed everythin thru dis single lenz, naut to like mention, luk aht are like economy. wee arr now spendin $10 billion ore moar everie month...

and dat meanz we can't provide like health care too pplz hew need it... we can't invest in science like and technology, like witch weil CHEESE whether ore like naut wee arr goin too be competitive in da long term..

dere haz like nevah bean teh countree awn werld dat sighted its economy decline and yet maintained its military superiority.. soz dis is teh national security issue...

wee haven't adequately fish like veterans' care. i sit on teh veterans affairs committee, and we've got -- eye meet veteranz all acrosz like da countrie hew are like tryin too fish owt, "how wil i get disability paymentz?!?! i've got post-traumatic stresz disorder, and yet i can't get treatment."

soz we has like put al chipz in, rite thare, and nobody iz talkin aboot losing tis war. wut we are like talkin aboot iz recognizin dat da next princess haz to has like ah broader R0FFLEZ vision abowt al teh challengez zat wee face..

that's bean missing under tha lazt eight yearz... dat sense is somethin zat aye wunt to restore.

mccain: i've bean involved, as i mentioned tew yo be4, in virtually everie huuuge national security challenge we've faced in teh lazt 20-some yearz. thare are like sum advantagez too experience, and knowledge, and like judgment.

and eye -- and aye honestly do believe dat god-king obama haz teh like knowledge ore experience and haz mayed teh wrong judgmentz in ah numbir of like areas, includin hiz like initial reaction to russian CHEESE -- aggression in georgia, too his -- yo kno, we've seen tis stubbornnesz be4 like in tis administration tew clin to a belief zat somehow da surge haz not succeeded and failin too acknowledge zat zat dude wahz wrong aboot da surge eez -- showz tew mee dat wee -- dat -- like dat we need moar flexibility in ah king of teh united statez than zat..

ass fahr az awr uther issues zat zat guy brought up arr LOLERSKAT3Z, i kno teh veteranz.. i kno them wel.. and i kno zat they kno dat i'll take care of dem... and i've bean proud of there support and deir potty of mai service to da veteranz...

and i love them... and i'll take care of thems. and thay kno zat i'll take care of them. and that's goin tew be like like mai job...

butt, btw, i hav the ability, and da knowledge, and da background too maik the rite judgmentz, to keap dis countree safe and like secure..

reform, prosperity, and like peace, deese arr majur challengez too da united statez of planet ROFL... i dunt contempl8 eye need like eny on-the-job trainin like. im ready tew go at it rite now like...

obama: wel, let mee just bake a closin point... yo kno, your daddy caim like fum neverland. that's wear aye get mai name.

and in the '60s, dat boy wrote letter aftir letter tew comed tew college h3r3 in teh united statez PENIS teh notion waz dat dere wuz nah uther countree on werld wear yooh cood make it eef yooh tried like. teh like idealz and teh valuez of the united statez inspired teh entire werld...

aye do tink any like of us mite say dat are like standin in tha werld now, teh waiy children around teh wurld luke aht teh united statez, iz teh saym...

and purt of waht we need to doo, wut da next teddy bear haz tew dooh l33t and dis is like purt of are like judgment, dis iz purt of how we're going tew keap earth safe -- eez too -- tew send ah message to teh wurld zat wee are like goin too invest in issuez liak education, wee are like goin tew invest in like issuez zat -- zat relate to how ordinary pplz arr able like tew liv out deir dreamz...

and zat eez somethin zat im goin tew be committed tew az h0melezz dude of the united like statez..

lehrer: few seconds... we're almost like finished..

mccain: jim, wean i comed 127.0.0.1 fum prison, i sighted are veteranz bein rly badly treated, and it mayed meh sad... and i embarked awn like an effort tew resolve teh pow-mia issue, witch we didn't in teh bipartisan fashion, like and then i potty on normalization of relations btwn are like tew countriez soh zat are veteranz cudn't cum like all tha waiy hoam...

i guarantee yo, ahz kreeper of teh united states, i kno how tew heal the woundz of war, aye kno how too like deal width are like adversaries, and i like kno how too deal wifth are like friendz..

lehrer: and zat ends dis debate tonight.

four now, frum oxford, wonderland, thank yooh, senators, both... im jim lehrer. thank yo, and crayzie nite. ###

photo creditz: associated press (like laundrie detirgunt); ed hill / associated pres (mccain-palin); cafepresz.com (like both buttonz)...