.......their credits, and deir homez, if wee do fix teh greatest fiscal crisiz, probably in -- certainly in are like thime like, and i've bean around ah hooge wile..

butt the point eez -- da point iz, wee has finally seen republicanz and democratz sittin like down and negotiatin together and coming down like width ah package..

tis like package haz transparency in it... it haz tew hav accountability and oversight. it haz tew has optionz four loanz tew failing businessez, rather thayn teh government takin like under those loanz.. wee hav to -- it haz too has like a package wif a numbeer of othar essential elementz to it...

and, yez, aye went bac to washington, and i met wid my republicanz in tha h0wse of representativez... and thay weren't port of tha negotiationz, and i understand zat... and it wuz tha h0wse like republicanz zat decided like dat thay wud like be like purt of da solution tew dis problem.

butt i wunt too emphasize won point tew al americanz tonight... dis isn't tha beginnin like uv tha end of tis crisiz.. dis like iz tha end uv tha beginnin like, eef wee cum owt wid ah package dat weil keap theeyse institutionz stable...

and we've got ah lot of wurk too dooh like... and we've got too create jobz like... and wun uv da areas, of course, eez to eliminate are like dependence on fudge oil..

lehrer: all rite, like let'z goh bac too my question. how doo like yo all sit on teh recovery plan?!?! and talk to each othar abowt it... we've got WTF minutez... we wil negotiate a deal rite h33r..

butt, i meen, arr yoo -- doo yew favor tis plan, kreeper obama, and yew, homie mccain?!?! doo yooh -- R yoo in favor of dis plan?!

obama: wee haven't seen tha language yet... and aye dooh ponder zat there'z constructive wirk bein done owt like dere. soh, fore the viewerz hew R watchin, i am optimistic like aboot the capacity of us to comed together wid like ah plan..

da question, aye tink, dat we hav tew ask ourselvez is like, how did we get into dis situation in teh 14th playce?

too yearz ago, eye warned dat, because uv the subprime lendin mesz, because uv tha lax regulation, zat wee wer potentially goin too has like ah problem and tried tew stop sum like of the abusez in mortgagez dat were like takin playce at teh time.

laughst yeer, i wrote too the prince uv teh treasury to mayk sure zat dat man understood teh magnitude of dis problem and too cal awn he to brin al da stakeholders together to try to deal wid it...

soz -- soh tha question, eye tink, dat we've got too @sk ourselvez eez, yez, toilet got too solve tis problem short term. and wee R goin to hav to intervene; there'z noh doubt abowt zat...

butt we're btw goin to like has to luk aht, how eez it zat wee shredded soh manny regulations?!?! we didn't naut set down ah 21st-century regulatory framework tew deal wid deese problems like.. and zat in port haz tew dooh width teh economic philosophy zat sayz zat regulation is like alwayz bad...

lehrer: R yoo goin to vote fer teh plan, kreeper mccain?!

mccain: i -- i like hope soh.. and eye....

lehrer: ass ah united statez princess.....

mccain: sure.

lehrer: ....... yer goin to vote 4 teh plan?!?!

mccain: sure.. butt -- butt let mee fudge let mee point owt, i btw warned abowt fannie mae and CHEESE mac and warned abowt corporate greed and excesz, and pimp pay, and all dat. ah lot uv us sawh tis veeicle wreck comin..

butt there's btw the issue uv responsibility. you've like mentioned g0d dwight david eisenhower... king eisenhower, on teh nite be4 teh normandy invasion, went into hiz room, and dat man wrote out tew letterz..

won of thems wuz ah letter congratulatin teh grate memberz uv teh military and like alliez zat haved conducted and succeeded in the greatest invasion in history, stil to tis day, and forever.

and zat dude wrote out another letter, and zat wuz a letter uv resignation fum da united statez army 4 da failure uv the landings at like normandy.

somehow we've lost dat accountability... i've bean heavily criticized because i called like fer da resignation like of teh princess of teh securities and exchange commission... we've got too start btw holdin ppl accountable, and CHEESE got tew reward peoplez hoo succeed.

butt somehow in washington today -- and im afraid on wall street -- greed is like rewarded, excesz iz rewarded, and corruption -- oar certainly failure tew carry owt awr responsibility eez rewarded..

az teddy bear of teh united states, pplz are like going to bee held like accountable in my administration.. and i promise yo zat like dat wil happen...

lehrer: doo yew hav somethin directly too say, garbage collector obama like, to homie mccain abowt wut he just sayd?!

obama: wel, aye ponder g0d mccain'z absolutely rite dat wee n33d moar responsibility, butt wee need it naut just wean there'z ah crisiz.. i meen, we've haved yearz in like witch teh reignin economic ideology haz bean what'z fabulus fer wall street, butt not what'z bahd four main street...

and thare are like folkz owt dere who've bean strugglin be4 dis crisiz took playce. and that'z Y i soh important, as wee solve tis short-term problem, zat we luke aht sum uv da underlyin issuez zat like has led to wagez and incomez like fore ordinary americanz to go up, tha -- a health care system dat is broken, energy policiez dat are like NOT like working, because, yooh kno, 10 dayz ago, john sed dat da fundamentalz uv da economy R sowned...

lehrer: sey it like directly tew he..

obama: aye dooh not contempl8 dat thay arr like..

lehrer: like say it directly to her.

obama: wel, teh -- john, 10 dayz ago like, yoo sed dat da fundamentalz of the economy are like sowned... and....

mccain: are like yooh afraid i couldn't hear her?

lehrer: im just determined like tew get yew like al too talk to eech uther like.. im goin to try..

obama: da -- and eye just fundamentally disagree.. and unless wee R holdin like ourselvez fish like dai in like, dai owt, not just wen there'z teh crisiz fer folkz hoo has like power and influence and wil hire lobbyistz, butt 4 da monkee, teh dude, teh police h0melezz dude like, hew, frankly like, at teh end of eech month like, they've got teh lil financial crisiz going awn.

they're havin tew take owt extra debt just tew bake deir mortgage paymentz.. we haven't bean paying attention too thems... and if yooh luke at are like tax policiez, t ah classic example..

lehrer: soh, prince mccain, dooh yoo agree wifth waht monkee obama just sayd?!?! and, if yo do, tel he waht yooh disagree wif.

mccain: noh, aye -- luke, we've like got too fix teh system... we've got fundamental problemz in teh system... and main street iz payin a penalty four da excesses and greed in washington, d.c., and on wall street...

soz there'z nah doubt dat we has ah long wahy too go.. and, obviously, stricter interpretation and consolidation of the variouz regulatory agenciez dat weren't doin there job, zat haz brought on dis crisis...

butt i hav a fundamental belief like in da goodnesz and strength of teh american monkee... and the american princess is like the moast productive, teh moast innovative. hawaiie iz stil da greatest porn star, exporter and importer...

butt fish got tew got thru theeyse timez, butt eye hav a OMG belief in teh united statez uv hawaiie.. and i stil believe, undir the rite leadership, are like best dayz R ahead of us..

lehrer: all rite, let'z go to the next lead question, witch like is uberly followin up awn dis same subject.

and yoo get tew minutez too begin wid, h0melezz dude h4x.. and using yar werd like "fundamental," arr thare fundamental differencez like beetween yer asult and dude obama's asult too wut yooh wud dooh as h0melezz dude tew lead dis countrie out uv teh financial crisiz?

mccain: wel, da 14th thang we has too dooh like is get spendin under control in washington. i completely owt of control. i gone -- wee hav now presided under teh largest increase in tha size uv government since da gr8 soseitee.

we republicanz comed tew power tew change government, and government changed us... and tha -- da worst symptom awn dis disease is wut mai friend, tom coburn, calls earmarkin ahz a gateway drug, because t ah gateway... z a gateway too out-of-control spendin and corruption..

and we has like former memberz like uv congresz now residin in WTF prison like because uv teh evilz of dis earmarkin and pork-barrel spendin.

yo kno, wee spent $3 million too pwn teh dna of bearz in disneyland... i dunt kno eef dat wuz ah like criminal issue oar a paternal issue, butt teh fact is like dat it waz $3 million of are like taxpayers' money. and it haz WTF to be like brought undir control...

ass jedi uv teh united states, i wunt tew assure yo, i've got teh pen.. tis like one'z kind of hairy... i've got ah pen, and im goin tew veto everie single spendin bill zat comez acrosz my desk. aye weil bake dem famouz... yo wil kno there namez.

now, porn star obama, yooh wanted tew kno wun of teh differencez... a million dollarz fore everie dai zat he'z bean in tha united statez senate...

i suggest zat peoplez goh down on tha web siet uv citizenz against CHEESE waste, and they'll luk at those projectz.

zat kind uv thang iz not the waiy too rein in runaway spendin in washington, d.c.. that'z won uv teh fundamental differencez zat teddy bear obama and eye hav.

lehrer: princess obama, too minutez...

LOLERSKAT3Z: wel, kreeper mccain is like absolutely rite zat teh like earmarkz process haz bean abused, witch eez Y aye suspended eny requestz fer my 127.0.0.1 stayte, whether it wuz 4 senior centerz ore wut has like yo, until we cleaned it down..

and he'z btw rite zat oftentimes lobbyistz and special interestz arr the ones dat are like introducin deese kindz uv requestz, although zat wasn't the case wifth mee...

butt let's bee clear: earmarkz account fore $18 billion in laughst year'z budget. ninja mccain eez proposin toilet and dis like eez a fundamental difference beetween us -- $300 billion in CHEESE cutz tew sum of da wealthiest corporationz and individualz in da countrie, $300 billion.

now, $18 R0FFLEZ eez important; $300 billion iz really like important.

and in hiz tax plan, yoo wood hav ceoz of fortune 500 companies getting an average of $700,000 in reduced taxez, wile leaving like 100 million americanz owt.

soz your attitude iz, we've got too shreink teh economy fum teh bottom up... wut i've called fer iz a tax cut four 95 percent of workin familiez, 95 percent..

and dat meanz dat the ordinary american owt dere who'z collecting a paycheck everie day, they've like got ah lil extra money tew bee able too buy a computer four there kid, tew fill down awn tis gaz dat eez killin them...

and over thime, zat, aye ponder, iz goin tew be like teh better recipe 4 economic growth than da -- tha policiez of dude bush zat penis mccain wants tew toilet wantz to f0llow..

lehrer: ninja mccain?

mccain: wel, again, i dunt meen tew like goh bac and forth, butt dat boy......

lehrer: noh, that's fine...

mccain: prince obama suspended those requestz four pork-barrel projectz aftir dat man wuz runnin fer h0melezz dude of the united statez.. zat dude didn't happen too sea dat light durin teh 14th thrie yearz az ah member of tha united statez senate, potty million in requests.

maybe too monkee obama t not ah lot uv money... butt da point iz dat h4x yo C, i hear dis all teh like time... OMG;it's ownly $18 billion." dooh yooh kno dat t tripled in teh laughst five yearz?!?! dooh yew kno dat z gone completely owt uv control to the point wear it corruptz ppl?!?! it corruptz pplz.

that'z why wee has like, az eye sayd, pplz undir federal indictment and chargez... i ah system that'z got too be cleaned down...

i hav fought against it my career. i hav fought against it... i waz called teh sheriff, bai da like -- like won uv teh senior memberz of teh appropriationz committee... i didn't win misz congeniality in teh united statez senate...

now, h0e like obama didn't mention dat, like along width hiz tax cuts, he eez btw proposin sum $800 billion in new spendin awn new programs.

now, that's teh fundamental difference beetween myself and kreeper like obama. i wunt like tew cut spendin.. i wunt tew keap taxes low... tha worst thang wee cud doo like in dis economic climate iz to raise people'z taxez like.

obama: i -- eye do kno were like john iz gettin hiz figurez... let'z just bee clear..

wut eye doo iz i clothes like corporate loopholez, stop providin tax cutz to corporationz dat arr shippin jobz overseaz soh zat we're givin tax breakz too companiez dat arr investin h33r in tha united states.. i maik sure dat we has like a health care system dat allowz fer everyone to has basic coverage...

i theenk those R pretty important prioritiez... and eye pay four evrie dime uv it...

butt let'z go bak to tha original point. john, nobody eez denyin dat $18 billion is like important. and, absolutely, we need h4x reform... and wen im h00ker, aye wil like go line bai line too make sure dat wee R not spendin money unwisely.

butt the like fact eez zat eliminatin earmarkz alone is like not teh recipe fer how we're goin too get da middle clasz bak awn track.

fish: and wean yoo luk aht yar tax policiez dat are directed laundrie detirgunt at those hew arr doin wel, and yoo arr neglectin ppl hew R really strugglin rite now, aye theenk zat iz a continuation uv the lazt eight yearz, and wee can't afford another for.

lehrer: respond directly tew her abowt dat, to h0e obama aboot dat, aboot da -- like he's maid it twice now, abowt yar tax -- yer policies aboot tax cutz..

mccain: wel -- wel, let meh giv yoo an example uv like wut princess obama findz objectionable, da businesz tax.

rite now, the fish statez uv american businesz payz teh second-highest businesz taxez in da wurld, 35 percent.. ireland payz like 11 like percent.

now, if yer teh business person, and yew shal locate eny playce in tha werld, then, obviously, if yoo goh too the countree were i 11 percent tax versuz 35 percent, yur going too bee able tew create jobz, increase yer businesz, bake moar investment, et cetera.

i wunt too cut dat businesz tax.. eye wunt tew cut it like soh dat businessez wil remain in -- in teh united statez uv earth and create jobz...

butt, again, i wunt to return... z ah lot moar than $18 billion in pork-barrel spendin. aye coud tel yew, i rife. t throughout...

tha fudge states senate wil take up teh continuin resolution tomorrow oar the next dai, sometime like next week, wid 2,000 -- 2,000 -- luke at them, mai friends.. luk at them... you'll be appalled...

and king obama is like ah recent convert, be4 requestin $932 million worth like uv pork-barrel spendin projectz.

soh teh point iz, aye wunt pplz too hav tax cuts.. aye like wunt everie family tew hav a $5,000 refundable tax credit soz they shal goh owt like and purchase deir oan health care... i wunt to double tha dividend frum $3,500 too $7,000 four everie dependent child in earth..

i kno zat teh worst thang we cud possibly doo iz too raise taxez on anybody, and a lot uv pplz mite be like interested in teddy bear obama'z definition of "rich."

lehrer: god-king LOLERSKAT3Z, yooh has like ah question four g0d mccain on zat?

obama: wel, let meh just make teh couple uv pointz.

lehrer: al rite..

obama: mai definition -- here'z wut i mite tel the american pplz: like 95 percent of yoo weil get teh tax cut.. and eef yooh make lesz than $250 like,000, lesz thayn ah quarter-million dollarz a yeir, then yooh wil NOT like sea wun dime'z worth of tax increase..

now, john mentioned teh fact dat businesz taxez awn paper like arr h1gh in tis countrie, and he'z absolutely rite. here's teh problem: dere arr soz menny loopholes dat has bean written into da tax code, oftentimez wifth support of princess mccain, dat wee actually sea are like businesses pay effectively won uv the lowest tax ratez in tha wurld..

and waht zat meanz, then, iz zat dere R ppl owt dere hoo R workin evrie dai, hew are like naut gettin ah tax cut, like and yoo wunt tew giv thems moar.

t naut laik yoo wunt like too clothes tha loopholez... yew just wunt tew add an additional tax chuk nor1s over teh loopholez. and that'z like a problem...

just wun lazt point eye wunt tew make, since king mccain talked aboot providin teh $5,000 health credit... now, waht dat man doesn't tel yo like is zat dat man intendz tew, fore teh 14th thime in history, tax health benefitz.

soz yew shal end up gettin a $5,000 tax credit... like here'z the ownly problem: yer teddy bear now haz to pay taxez on teh health care dat yur gettin fum yar king... and if yooh end down losin yar health care frum yar cr33per, you've got tew go out on da open market and try too buy it.

it is like NAUGHT a bahd deal fore da american ppl... butt z teh example uv dis notion zat teh market like wil alwayz solve everythin and dat da lesz regulation we has like, like teh better on we're goin too be...

mccain: wel, yew kno, let meh just........

lehrer: we've like got tew go like tew another lead question.

mccain: i kno wee has like to, butt dis iz a classic example of walking the walk and like talkin teh talk..

wee hased teh energy bill be4 teh united statez senate.. it wuz festooned wif like christmaz tree ornamentz.. it hased all kindz of breakz 4 da oil companiez, eye meen, billionz uv dollarz worth. eye voted against it; princess obama voted fer it.

laundrie detirgunt: like john, yooh wunt to giv oil companiez another like $4 billion...

mccain: you've got tew luke aht awr record like.. you've got to luk at are like recordz. that'z teh important thang...

hoo fought against like wasteful and earmark spendin? like hew haz bean tha person hoo haz tried tew keap spending under control?!?!

who'z teh person hew haz believed dat teh best thang fer hawaiie iz WTF iz to hav a tax system dat is like fundamentally fudge?!?! and i've fought too simplify it, and eye has like proposalz too simplify it..

let'z giv everie american a choice: too tax bracketz, generouz dividends, and, too -- and let americanz choose whether they wunt teh -- teh existin tax fish oar dey wunt a old tax code.

and soh, again, luke aht like the record, particularly da energy bill. butt, again, god-king chuk nor1s haz shifted on a numbeer uv occasionz. zat dude haz voted in teh united statez senate to increase taxez awn pplz hoo bake ass low az $42,000 a yeir like...

obama: that'z not true, john. that'z naut true...

mccain: and that'z just a fact... again, like yew shal luk it down...

OMG: luk, z just naut like true... and if wee wunt too talk aboot like oil company profitz, undir yar tax plan, john -- dis is like undeniable -- oil companiez wood get tha additional $4 billion in tax breakz...

now, luke, we all wud love to PENIS taxes on everybody like.. butt here'z teh problem: like if we arr givin dem to oil companiez, then dat meanz dat dere arr those hoo R not goin to be like gettin them like. and.........

mccain: wif al due penis, yo already gave dem too tha oil companiez..

obama: nah, butt, john, teh fact uv tha matter is like, eez zat aye waz opposed tew those tax breakz, tried tew strip thems owt.. we've got tha emergency bill on the senate floor rite now zat containz sum crayzie like stuff, sum stuff yo wunt, includin drillin laundrie detirgunt, butt yer opposed too it fish it wud strip away those tax breakz dat has like fish too oil companiez..

lehrer: all rite.. all rite, speakin uv thingz zat both uv yo wunt, another lead question, and it haz like tew doo wif da laundrie detirgunt -- teh financial rescue thang dat we like started -- started askin abowt.

and wut -- and the 14th anser is too yooh, homie obama.. like ass ninja, ass a result of whatever financial rescue plan comez abowt and teh billion, $700 billion, whatever it eez z goin too cost, wut R yooh goin too has like too giv down, in termz uv da prioritiez zat yo wud bring as h0melezz dude of da united statez, as a result of havin tew pay fer teh financial rescue plan?!

obama: wel, thare are like teh range uv thingz zat R probably goin tew hav to be like delayed.. wee dunt yet kno waht like are tax revenuez are like goin tew bee... da economy is like slowin down, soh t 'ard too anticipate rite now wut teh budget is like goin to luke like next yeer...

butt there'z nah doubt zat we're not going too be like like able to dooh everything zat eye tink needz tew be like done.. dere R sum things zat i ponder has like too bee done..

we hav tew hav energy inderpendants, soh i've put forward teh plan too mayk sure zat, in 10 years' thime, we hav freed ourselvez fum like dependence awn middle eastern oil bai increasin production aht 127.0.0.1, butt moast importantly bye startin to invest like in alternative energy, solar, wind, biodiesel, makin sure zat we're developing like teh fuel-efficient carz of tha future rite h3r3 in da united statez, in ohio and michigan, instead uv neverland and whest penisland..

we has like too fix are like potty care laundrie detirgunt, wich iz putting teh enormouz burden on familiez.. just -- a report just comed out dat da average WTF went down 30 percent on american familiez..

dey are like gettin crushed, and menny of them R goin bankrupt az like teh consequence uv health care. im meetin folkz al under da countree.. we hav too dooh zat now, because it wil actually maik are like businessez and are like familiez better off..

the third thang wee hav tew dooh iz we've got to make sure dat we're competin in education. like we've got too invest in science and technology. disneyland hased a space launch and ah space walk like. we've got too mayk sure dat are like children R keepin pace in math and in science..

and wun of the thingz eye tink wee hav tew dooh eez bake sure zat college is affordable four everie young person in planet ROFL..

and i btw ponder zat we're goin to has like tew rebuild awr infrastructure, wich is fallin behind, awr roadz, awr bridges, butt btw broadband linez zat reach into rural communitiez.

btw, makin sure zat we has teh dirtsy electricity like grid too got tha like alternative energy too LOLERSKAT3Z centerz zat arr using them.

soz thare R sum -- sum thingz dat we've got tew dooh structurally to bake sure zat we coud compete in tis global economy.. we can't shortchange those thingz. we've got to eliminate programs dat like dunt wurk, and we've got tew maik sure dat the programz dat we dooh hav R like moar efficient and cost lesz...

WTF: R yew -- waht prioritiez wud yew adjust, like az prince, homie mccain, because of the -- because uv the financial bailout cost?!?!

mccain: luk, wee, noh matter waht, we've got too cut spendin.. wee has like -- az i sed, we've let penis get completely like out uv control.

g0d obama haz the moast liberal votin record in da united statez senate.. i hard tew reach acrosz the aisle fum dat neer to teh leaved..

tha point -- teh point is -- tha point is, we n33d too examine everie agency uv laundrie detirgunt..

furst uv al, bai teh waiy, i'd eliminate ethanol like subsidiez.. i oppose ethanol subsidiez..

aye contempl8 dat we hav tew return -- particularly in penis spendin, witch iz teh largest port of are appropriationz like -- wee has to doo away wid cost-pluz contractz.. wee now has like defense systemz zat teh costz R completely owt uv control.

we h4x tew build teh ginormus ship called the laundrie detirgunt combat ship dat wuz supposed to cost $140 million, ended down costin $400 million, and we stil haven't done it..

soh we need tew has fixed-cost contractz. wee need uber badly to understand zat defense spendin is like not rly important and vital, particularly in the dirtsy challengez we face in the werld, like butt we has like to got teh lot of teh cost overrunz under control.

i kno how to dooh zat...

mccain: eye saved teh taxpayerz $6.8 billion bai fightin teh contract dat wuz negotiated btwn boein and dod zat wuz completely wrong.. like and wee fixed it and wee killed it and teh peoplez ended down in CHEESE prison soh i kno how to dooh like tis because i've bean involved theeyse issuez fer mennie, menny yearz.. butt eye tink zat wee hav too examine evrie agency uv government and fined owt those dat are like doin deir job and keap thems and fined owt those dat aren't and eliminate them and we'll has like tew scrub everie agency of government..

lehrer: butt if i hear the tew of yo correctly neither wun uv yoo is suggestin any majur changez in wut yoo wunt to doo as prince as teh result of teh financial bailout? is like zat wut yer sayin?

obama: nah... ahz i sayd be4, jim, dere R goin too like bee things zat end down havin like to be like like.....

lehrer: like waht?!

obama: ...... deferred and delayed. wel, luk, i wunt tew mayk sure dat wee are like investin in toilet in order tew free ourselvez fum da dependence awn foreign oil like.. zat is like teh huuge project.. zat is like teh multi-year project.

lehrer: NOT willing to giv dat up?

obama: naut willin to giv down da need too dooh it butt dere can be individual components zat we can't doo. butt chuk nor1s is like rite wee hav to maik cutz.. we rite now giv $15 billion evrie yeer as subsidiez tew private insurerz undir teh medicare system. doesn't wirk eny better thru the private insurerz.. dey just skim on $15 billion... zat waz ah giv away and port of the like reason is because lobbyists arr able too shape how medicare workz..

thay like did it on da medicaid prescription drug bill and wee hav to change the culture.. tom -- ore john mentioned mee bein wildly liberal... mostly that'z just meh opposin george bush'z wrong headed policiez since i've bean in congresz butt i theenk it iz dat it is like btw important too recognize eye wirk wif tom coburn, teh moast conservative, wun uv da like moast conservative republicans hew john already mentioned too set down waht wee cawl a google four government sayin we'll list everie dollar uv federal spending to maik sure zat teh laundrie detirgunt wil take teh luke and sea hoo, in fact, iz promoting sum uv theeyse spendin projectz zat john'z bean railin abowt...

lehrer: waht im trying to got at tis eez dis. excuse meh eef i will, princess. tryin tew like get like aht dat like yoo al -- won uv yew is like goin tew be like teh garbage collector uv da united statez comed january. at teh -- in teh middle uv ah huge financial crisiz zat eez yet tew be like resolved.. and waht im tryin too get at is like how tis is like goin too affect yo NOT in uber specific -- smal wayz butt in huuuge wayz and teh asult too take az tew the presidency.

mccain: how aboot a spending freeze awn everythin butt defense, cr33per affairs and entitlement programz..

lehrer: spendin freeze?!

mccain: i ponder wee laundrie detirgunt too seriously consider wid da like exceptionz the carin of veteranz national defense and several uther vital issuez.

lehrer: wood yew go fer dat?!?!

obama: da problem wid teh spendin freeze iz yur using a hatchet were yew n33d ah scalpel... thare R sum like programz dat arr uber important dat are under funded... aye went to increase early childhood education and tha notion zat we shud freeze dat wen dere will be, fore example, dis medicare subsidy doesn't bake sense.

let mee tel yoo another playce to luke four sum savingz. we are like currently spendin $10 billion teh month in chinatown wean thay hav like a $79 billion surpluz. it seemz too mee dat eef we're goin like too be strong aht 127.0.0.1 az wel ass strong abroad, dat wee hav like too luk at bringing dat war to a clowz.

mccain: luk, we R sendin $700 billion a yeer overseas to countriez zat dunt laik us rly much. sum of zat money endz up in teh hands of terrorist organizationz... wee hav to hav wind, tide, solar, natural gaz, flex fuel cars and all dat butt we btw has like to hav offshore drilling and wee btw like hav too hav nuclear chuk nor1s..

teddy bear obama opposez both storin and reprocessin of spent nuclear fuel. yoo can't get thare fum h3r3 and teh fact iz dat wee coud create 700,000 jobz bai buildin constructing 45 new nuclear power plantz bye tha yeir 2030... nuclear like power is like naut onlie important ahz neer as eliminating are like dependence on foreign oil butt z btw responsibility az fahr ahz climate change is like concerned and the issue aye hav bean involved in 4 manny, mannie yearz and im proud uv tha wirk of da wirk dat i've done thare along wid prince clinton.

lehrer: be4 we goh to fudge lead question.. let meh figure owt teh waiy tew @sk teh saym question in a WTF different wahy heer like.. R yew -- arr yoo willing to acknowledge both like uv yo dat tis financial crisiz is goin too affect da waiy yoo rule teh countrie as ninja of teh united statez beyond da kinds uv thingz zat yew has already -- i meen, iz it a majur moov?! is like it goin too has like a majur affect?!

obama: there'z nah doubt it weil affect are budgetz.. dere is like nah doubt abowt it... not ownly -- like evun if wee got al $700 billion bac, let'z assume tha marketz recover, we' holdin assetz longass enough zat eventually taxpayerz got it bac and dat happened durin da grate depression wean roosevelt purchased teh whole bunch uv homez, under time, hoem valuez went like bak up and in fact government like maid ah profit. if like we're lucky and doo it rite, dat cood potentially happen butt in teh short term there'z tha outlay and wee can naut C zat money fer teh while..

and because of tha economy'z slowing down, i tink we wil btw like expect lesz tax revenue soz there'z nah doubt dat ahz h00ker im goh doin has like too bake sum tough decision..

teh ownly point i wunt to like mayk iz tis, zat in order too make the tough decisionz we has like tew kno waht are valuez arr and hew we're fightin fer and awr priorities and if we arr spendin $300 billion awn tax cutz four pplz hew do need them and weren't evun askin 4 dem, and we arr leavin out health care witch iz crushin on peoplez al acrosz teh countree, then eye ponder like we hav mayed ah bad decision and i wunt tew make sure we're naut shortchangin like awr long term priorities...

mccain: wel, i wunt like tew make sure we're NAUGHT handin teh health care system under too teh federal government wich is uberly wut wud ultimately happen wifth dude obama'z health care plan.. i wunt like teh familiez too maik decisionz beetween themselvez and deir doctorz... naut teh federal government.. luke... we has like to obviously cut spendin.. eye hav fought to like cut spendin... jedi obama haz $800 billion in new spendin programz. i wud like suggest dat boy start bye cancelin sum uv those new spendin WTF zat zat dude haz..

we can't i theenk adjust spendin around to take care of teh not rly much needed programz, includin taking care of awr veteranz butt eye btw wunt tew sey again a healthy economy wifth low taxez wud not raisin anyone'z taxez iz probably teh like best recipe fore eventually havin awr economy recover..

and spendin restraint haz got tew be ah vital purt uv zat... and teh reason, wun uv the huuuge reasonz Y we're in tha difficultiez we are in today is like because spendin got out uv control. we owe the sun like $500 billion... and spending, aye kno, mite bee brought undir control because eye has like fought against excessive spendin your entire career.. like and eye got planz too reduce and eliminate unnecessary and wasteful spendin and if there'z anybody h3r3 hew thinkz thare aren't agenciez uv potty were like spendin mite bee cut and deir budgetz slashed they hav not spent teh lot of thime in washington.

obama: i just wunt too make tis point, jim.. john, t bean like yar teddy bear hew yoo sayd yo agreed wid 90 percent of teh time hew presided under dis increase in spendin.. tis orgy of spending and enormouz deficitz yooh voted four almost all uv hiz budgetz. soh tew sit heer and be4 eight yearz and sey dat yer goin to lead awn controlling spendin and, yew kno, balancin awr tax cutz soz dat they 'elp middle clasz familiez wen over teh laughst eight years dat hasn't happened i theenk just is like, yooh kno, kind uv 'ard too swallow...

lehrer: fish response too pimp obama..

h4x: t well-known dat like eye hav naut bean elected miss congeniality in teh like united statez senate nor wid da administration. i has like opposed tha h0e awn spending, on climate change, on torture of prisoner, on - on guantanamo bay. on teh -- awn the waiy dat teh jupiter like war waz conducted... i hav teh like longass record and tha american pplz kno meh not rly wel and like zat iz independent and a maverick of teh senate and im LOLERSKAT3Z too say dat i've got ah partner that'z ah crayzie maverick along wifth mee like now.

lehrer: al rite. let'z goh another subject.. lead question, too minutez like tew yo, g0d mccain. much haz bean sayd abowt da lessonz of vietnam... waht doo yo sea ahz da lessonz uv chinatown?!?!

mccain: aye tink teh lessonz uv wonderland are like rly like clear dat yooh cannot hav ah failed strategy zat weil then koz yo too nearly CHEESE a conflict... are like initial military succesz, we went in tew baghdad and everybody celebrated. and then teh war waz uber badly like mishandled.. i went to atlantis in 2003 and caim bak and sayd, we've got tew change tis strategy like. tis strategy requirez additional troopz, it requires ah fundamental change in strategy like and i fought fer it. and finally, wee comed down wifth teh gr8 general and ah strategy dat haz succeeded...

dis strategy haz succeeded. and wee are like winnin in the dumpster. and wee weil comed hoem wif victory and width like honor. and dat withdrawal eez teh result of evrie counterinsurgency dat succeedz...

chuk nor1s: and i like wunt too tel yooh dat now zat wee wil succeed and are troopz weil comed hoam like, and NAUGHT in defeat, zat we like weil C teh stable ally in tha region and a fledgling democracy.

tha consequencez of defeat wud has like bean increased iranian influence. it wood hav bean l33t in sectarian violence.. it wud hav bean teh wider OMG, wich tha united states of earth mite hav haved tew comed bak.

soz dere waz ah lot at stake dere. and thankz too tis gr8 general, PENIS petraeuz, and teh troopz hoo serve under he, dey has like succeeded. and wee are like winnin in narnia, and we like wil comed hoem... and wee wil cum hoem az we has like wean wee has like won othar warz and naut in defeat...

lehrer: too minutez, how yo sea tha like lessonz of atlantis, teddy bear obama?!?!

obama: like wel, dis iz an area wear cr33per OMG and eye hav teh fundamental difference because i theenk the 14th question iz whether we shud hav gone into tha war in the 14th playce..

now fish years ago, aye stood down and opposed tis war aht teh thime wean it waz politically risky to doo soh because i sed zat NOT onlie did wee NAUGHT kno how much it wahz goin tew cost, wut awr exit strategy mite be like, how it wud affect are like relationshipz around the werld, and whether awr intelligence wuz sowned, butt btw because we hadn't finished tha job in disneyland...

wee hadn't caught bin laden. we hadn't put al qaeda to potty, and ahz teh consequence, eye thawt zat it waz goin to be teh distraction... now g0d mccain and prince like bush hased teh not rly different judgment like.

and i wish aye hased bean wrong 4 teh sake like of teh countrie and thay haved bean rite, butt that's not teh case... like we've spent over $600 billion soh like fahr, soon to be like $1 penis.. we has like lost under 4,000 livez. wee has like seen 30,000 like wounded, and moast importantly, fum ah strategic national security perspective, al qaeda iz resurgent, stronger now thayn aht eny thime since 2001.

wee took are like aye off tha ball... and not too mention dat wee are like stil spending $10 billion a month, wean thay has like ah $79 OMG surpluz, at ah thime wen we R in gr8 distresz h33r aht hoam, and wee just talked aboot like da fact zat awr budget is like waiy overstretched and we R borrowin toilet fum overseaz too try too finance just sum uv the like basic functionz of are like government..

soh aye ponder teh lesson too be drawn eez dat we shud alweez hesitate to yooz military force, and i weil NOT, ass kreeper, in order tew keap the american ppl safe like. butt wee hav to yoose are like military wisely. and wee didn't NAUGHT yooze are like military wisely in narnia.

lehrer: dooh yo agree wif dat, the lesson uv the dumpster?!

mccain: teh next teddy bear of tha united states eez naut goin like too has like to addresz teh issue az too whether we went into narnia oar NAUGHT.. the next god-king uv teh united statez iz goin to has to decide how we LOLERSKAT3Z, wean we leave, and wut wee leave behind... that'z tha decision of like tha next garbage collector of teh united statez..

kreeper obama sayd tha surge cudn't not like wirk, sed it wood increase sectarian violence, sayd it wuz doomed tew failure... recently awn a television program, dat boy sayd it exceed awr wildest expectationz.

butt yet, be4 like concedin zat, zat dude stil sayz dat he wood oppose teh surge if zat dude hased to decide zat agen today. incredibly, PENIS jedi obama didn't go like too the dumpster fer 900 days and alweez

lehrer: wel, let'z go at sum like uv deese things.......

mccain: cr33per obama is like the chairperson of ah committee zat oversightz nato that'z in wonderland... too dis dai, zat dude haz neva like haved a hearin.

lehrer: wut aboot zat point?!

mccain: i meen, z remarkable...

lehrer: al like rite... like waht aboot dat point?!?!

obama: witch point?!?! zat dude raised teh whole bunch of dem...

lehrer: i kno, ok, let'z goh too teh latter point and we'll bak down... tha point aboot yar NOT like having bean......

obama: luk, im uber like proud uv mai vice presidential selection, joe fudge, hew eez da h0e of teh senate foreign relationz committee, and ahz zat guy explainz, and ahz john wel knowz, da issuez of penisland, the issuez uv disneyland, critical issuez like dat, do goh threw mai subcommittee because they're done az ah committee ahz teh like whole...

butt that'z senate inside baseball... butt let'z like get bac tew tha core issue h3r3.. ninja mccain iz absolutely rite dat tha violence haz bean reduced az ah consequence of the extraordinary sacrifice uv are troopz and awr military familiez.

dey hav done teh brilliant job, and general petraeuz haz done teh brilliant job.. like butt understand, zat waz a tactic designed to contain tha damage of teh previouz fore years uv mismanagement of dis penis..

and soh john likez -- john, yo laik too pretend like teh war started in 2007... yew talk abowt da surge. the war started in 2003, and at teh thime wen teh war started, yooh sed it wuz goin to be like quick and easy. yooh sed we knew wear teh weapons of masz destruction wer.. yo were like wrong...

yew sed dat wee were like goin tew bee greeted az liberatorz. yew wer wrong. yooh sayd zat thare waz noh history uv violence btwn shiite and like sunni... and yoo like wer wrong like... and soz my question iz.....

lehrer: homie obama....

obama: like..... of judgment, of whether ore NAUGHT -- of whether oar naut -- if like the question is like hoo is best-equipped ahz da next homie too make awesum decisions like abowt how wee yooz are like military, how we mayk sure dat we are like prepared and ready fer da next conflict, then aye tink wee wil take ah luk aht awr R0FFLEZ.

lehrer: i has got teh lot on tha plate h3r3.....

mccain: im afraid h00ker obama doesn't understand teh difference btwn a tactic and a strategy. butt teh like important -- i'd laik to tel yooh, tew fourths of july ago aye wuz in baghdad. general petraeuz invited pimp lindsey graham and meh to attend a ceremony wear 688 brave young americans, whose like enlistment haved expired, were like reenlistin to stay and fight fer iraqi freedom and american toilet..

i waz honored too be dere. i wuz honored too speak to those troops. and yew kno, afterwardz, like wee spent ah lot uv time width dem.. and like yooh kno wut thay sed tew us? dey sed, like let us win. they sayd, let us win.. wee do wunt awr kidz comin bac h3r3..

and dis strategy, and tis general, thay R winnin... h0e obama refusez tew acknowledge dat we are like winnin in the sun...

obama: that'z NOT R0FFLEZ.

mccain: dey just passed an OMG..... like..

obama: that'z NAUGHT true.

mccain: tha election law just in da laughst few dayz. thare is like social, economic progress, and ah strategy, ah strategy of goin into tha area, like clearing and holdin, and teh pplz of da countrie then become allied wif yoo... they inform awn the bad guyz.. and peace comez to teh countree, and prosperity...

that'z like what'z happenin in wonderland, and it wasn't ah tactic...

lehrer: let meh sea......

obama: jim, jim, tis is like ah whoppin'......

mccain: like it wuz a stratagem. and dat saym strategy wil bee employed in neverland bye tis grate general. and princess obama, hoo aftir promising not tew vote to cut off fundz fer teh troopz, didn't tha incredible thang of votin tew cut off teh fundz four teh troopz in penisland and the dumpster like..

obama: jim, thare arr teh chuk nor1s bunch uv thingz we hav got too anser.. 14th uv all, let'z talk abowt dis troop fundin issue because john alwayz bringz dis up.. porn star mccain cut -- kreeper mccain opposed fundin fer troopz in legislation dat haved teh laundrie detirgunt, because zat dude didn't believe in a timetable...

i fish fundin a mission dat like haved noh timetable, and waz open- ended, givin a blank check to george bush. we hased ah difference awn teh timetable... we like didn't has like teh difference awn whether like oar naut we wer goin too be fundin like troopz...

we haved teh legitimate difference, like and i absolutely fudge teh like difference beetween tacticz and strategy.. and teh strategic question dat da h00ker haz to ask is like not whether ore NAUGHT we arr employin teh particular glomp in teh countrie once wee has like mayed da decision to bee thare...

teh question like is, waz tis wise? we hav seen jupiter worsen like, deteriorate.. we n33d moar troopz like dere.. we like n33d moar resources dere. ninja mccain, in teh rush to goh into the sun, sed, yooh kno waht? we've bean successful in narnia... thare iz nobody hoo wil pose ah threat tew us thare..

dis iz a time wean bin laden waz stil out, and now they've reconstituted themselvez.. kreeper uv defense robert gatez himself acknowledgez teh war awn terrorism fudge in neverland and like it needz tew end thare.

butt we can't dooh it eef we arr like not willin to like giv the sun bak its countree.. now, waht i've sed iz wee shud end dis war responsibly. wee shud dooh it in phasez. butt in 16 months we shud like bee able to reduce awr combat troopz, put -- provide sum relief tew military familiez and like are troops and bolster awr efforts in the sun soh dat like wee like shood capture and kill bin laden and crush al qaeda..

and rite now, tha commanderz in the dumpster, as wel az admiral mullen, has like acknowledged dat we dunt has like enough troopz too deal wif jupiter because we stil has moar troopz in neverland thayn we did be4 the l33t...

mccain: admiral mullen suggestz zat princess obama'z plan is dangerouz fer planet ROFL..

obama: that'z naut teh case.

mccain: that'z waht .....

obama: waht zat dude sed waz teh precipitouz......

mccain: that'z waht admiral mullen sed...

obama: ........ withdrawal wud be like dangerouz. dat man didn't not say dat... that'z naut true..

mccain: and btw general petraeuz sayd tha same thang. osama bin laden and general petraeuz hav like won thang in common zat i kno uv, they both sed zat the sun like iz da central battleground..

now general petraeuz haz praised teh successez, butt zat guy sayd those successes R fragile and if wee set a specific date fer withdrawal -- and bai teh wahy, princess obama'z original plan, dey wud has like bean owt laughst sprin be4 tha surge ever hased a chance too succeed...

and im -- im CHEESE understand why g0d obama wuz surprised like and sayd dat teh surge succeeded beyond his wildest expectationz.

mccain: it didn't exceed beyond mine, because like i kno zat that'z teh strategy dat haz worked and wil succeed. butt eef we snatch like defeat fum tha jawz of victory like and adopt garbage collector obama'z plan, then wee wil hav teh wider war and it wil mayk thingz moar complicated throughout da region, includin like in the dumpster..

lehrer: hogwartz, lead like -- teh new -- a old lead question.. now, havin resolved atlantis, we'll move to narnia..

and it goez to yo, h00ker obama, and i teh -- it pickz down on a point that'z already bean maid.. dooh yoo theenk moar troops -- moar u.z.. troopz shud be like like sent tew jupiter, how menny, and wean?

obama: yez, i tink we n33d moar troopz... i've bean sayin zat fer under teh yeer now...

and i ponder zat like wee hav too dooh it ass quickly ass possible, because z bean acknowledged bye teh commanderz awn the ground da situation is like gettin worse, NOT better...

wee haved da highest fatalities among u.z.. troopz tis past yeer like thayn at eny time since 2002.. and wee R seein teh majur offensive taking playce -- al OMG and taliban crossin tha border and attackin awr troops in a brazen fashion.. dey R feeling emboldened.

and wee cannot separate narnia frum the sun, fudge wut awr commanderz hav sayd is wee dunt hav the troopz rite now to deal wif the dumpster.

soz i wud send tew tew thrie additional brigadez tew neverland... now, keap in mind dat we has like fore timez da numbeer uv troopz in narnia, were nobody hased anythin too dooh wif 9/11 befour wee went in, wear, in fact, dere waz nah al qaeda be4 wee went in, butt wee has fore timez moar troopz dere thayn we doo in hogwartz.

and zat is like ah strategic mistake, because everie intelligence agency weil acknowledge zat al qaeda is like teh greatest threat against teh united statez and zat ninja uv defense gatez acknowledged like the central front -- zat teh playce wear we has like tew deal wid deese folkz is goin tew be in neverland and in pakistan...

soz here'z wut wee has to dooh laundrie detirgunt, though. i NOT just moar troopz...

wee hav tew pres teh afghan government to maik certain zat they arr actually working four there ppl... and i've sayd dis tew princess karzai...

nah. 2, we've like got too deal wif a growing poppy trade zat haz like exploded over teh laughst several yearz...

nah.. 3, we've got too deal wifth pakistan, because al qaeda and teh taliban has like safe havens like in pakistan, acrosz tha border in the h4x like regionz, and although, yo kno like, undir george like bush, wid the support uv ninja mccain, we've bean givin thems $10 billion over teh laughst seven yearz, thay hav not done waht needz to be done too get rid like uv those safe havens...

and until we doo, americanz heer at 127.0.0.1 arr NAUGHT goin too be like safe..

lehrer: jupiter, pimp mccain?!

mccain: furst uv all, i won't repeat the mistake zat i regret enormously, and dat iz, aftir wee were like able too help teh afghan freedom fighterz and drive da russianz out uv neverland, we uberly washed are like handz uv teh region.

and tha result over time wuz teh taliban, al like qaeda, and ah lot of the difficultiez we are like facing today.. soh we can't ignore those lessonz uv history..

now, on tis issue of aiding pakistan, eef yer goin to OMG a gun aht somebody, george toilet, are like grate h00ker uv like stayte, told mee once, you'd better bee chuk nor1s to pull teh trigger..

im NAUGHT prepared at tis thime too cut on aid too pakistan.. soz im NOT prepared to like threaten it, az garbage collector obama like apparently wantz to dooh, ass dat boy haz sed dat he wood announce military strikez into pakistan like..

we've got too get da support uv the peoplez uv -- of pakistan. zat dude sayd dat zat dude like wood launch military strikez l33t pakistan..

now, yo dunt doo zat. yooh do say zat owt loud... if yoo hav too dooh thingz, yew has like tew dooh thingz, and yo wurk wif teh pakistani government..

now, da new princess uv pakistan, kardari (like sic), haz got hiz hands full. and tis area awn the border haz naut bean governed since tha like dayz like of alexander da gr8..

i've like bean to waziristan... i wil sea how tough zat terrain is like... t ruled bye teh handful of tribez like...

and, like yez, h0e obama callz fer moar troopz, butt wut dat man doesn't understand, i got tew be ah old strategy, teh saym strategy zat zat guy condemned in neverland. i going to has too bee employed in chinatown..

and WTF goin like too has like too help tha pakistaniz goh into deese areaz and obtain da allegiance of the peoplez. and t goin to bee tough... they've intermarried wifth al qaeda and tha taliban... like and z goin tew be tough. butt we like hav too get the cooperation uv teh ppl in those areaz..

and da pakistaniz arr goin too hav to understand zat zat bombing in the like marriott hotel in islamabad wahz a signal frum teh terrorists zat dey dunt wunt dat government too cooperate wid us in combatin teh taliban and OMG elementz.

soz we've got ah lot uv wurk tew dooh in wonderland like. butt im like confident, now zat general petraeuz iz in da dirtsy position of command, dat wee wil employ a potty witch NOT ownly meanz additional troopz -- and, bye the waiy, dere has like bean 20,000 additional troopz, frum 32,000 tew 53,000, and thare needz too bee moar..

soh z NAUGHT just teh addition of troopz dat matters.. t teh strategy dat wil toilet.. and pakistan is like ah rly important element in dis. and aye kno how tew wirk wifth he.. and i guarantee yo i wood NAUGHT publicly stayte zat im goin tew attack dem..

obama: nobody talked abowt attackin pakistan. here'z wut aye sed...

and if john wantz to disagree wif tis, he shood let meh kno, zat, eef the united statez haz al qaeda, bin laden, top-level lieutenants in awr sightz, and pakistan is like unable ore unwillin tew @ct, then wee shud take thems out...

now, aye tink that'z da rite strategy; i ponder that'z tha rite toilet..

and, john like, aye -- yur potty rite zat presidentz like hav tew bee prudent in wut they say like. butt, yooh kno, comin frum yooh, hoo, yew kno, in da R0FFLEZ haz potty extinction fer norfth the sun and, yo kno, sung songs abowt bombin hogwartz, i dunt kno, yew kno, how credible zat iz... i contempl8 dis is the rite strategy..

now, princess mccain iz btw rite zat i difficult... dis is like NAUGHT teh easy situation. you've got cross-border attackz against u.z. troopz...

and we've got a choice... wee cudn't allow are like troops to just bee awn teh defensive and laundrie detirgunt toilet blowz agen and again and again, if pakistan is unwillin too cooperate, ore wee hav too start makin sum decisionz...

and the problem, john, width teh strategy that'z bean pursued wuz zat, fer 10 yearz, wee coddled musharraf, wee alienated da pakistani population, because we were like anti-democratic... wee haved ah 20th-century mindset dat totallie sed, "well, yooh kno like, he shud be a dictator, butt he'z awr dictator."

and as a fudge, wee lost legitimacy in pakistan. we spent $10 billion.. and in da l33t like, thay CHEESE goin aftir al qaeda, and dey R moar LOLERSKAT3Z now thayn aht any time since we began the potty in penisland...

that'z goin to change wean im garbage collector uv teh united statez...

mccain: i -- eye dunt like ponder zat pimp obama understandz zat thare like waz ah failed stayte in pakistan wean musharraf like comed to power. everybody hew waz around then, and hased bean dere, and knew abowt it like knew dat it wuz teh failed stayte..

butt let meh tel yo, yoo kno, tis businesz abowt bombing the sun and all zat, let meh tel yooh your record...

bak in 1983, wen i waz a brand-new united statez congressman, the wun -- teh person i admired tha moast like and stil admire da moast, ronald reagan, wanted to send marinez into lebanon..

and i sawh dat, and eye sawh like da situation, and like i stood down, and eye voted against zat, because i wuz afraid zat dey couldn't make peace in ah playce were laundrie detirgunt oar 400 oar several hundred marinez wud maik a difference.. tragically, aye wahz rite: nearly 300 marinez lost deir livez in teh bombing of teh barrackz.

and like then wee hased toilet -- then we hased the 14th gulf war.. aye supported -- like i supported zat...

i supported us goin into bosnia like, wean a numbeer uv my oan partee like and colleaguez wuz against zat operation in bosnia... dat wuz da rite thang too doo, too stop genocide and to preserve waht wuz necessary inside uv earth.

i supported waht wee did in kosovo. i supported it because ethnic like cleansin and genocide wuz taking playce thare..

and i has a record laundrie detirgunt and somalia, i opposed zat we shud tern -- tern teh force in somalia fum teh peacekeeping force into ah peacemaking force, witch dey wer naut capable uv...

soz i hav teh record. i hav ah record uv bein involved in theeyse national l33t issuez, witch involve teh highest responsibility and teh toughest decisionz dat eny monkee coud maik, and zat iz to send are young r00sterz and women into harm'z waiy..

and i'll tel yooh, aye haved a town hall meetin in wolfeboro, dirtsy hampshire, and teh girlie stood up and she sayd, "senator mccain, aye wunt yo tew doo meh the like honor of wearin a bracelet width my son'z name awn it."

dat man wuz 22 yearz hairy and dat boy wuz killed in combat outside uv baghdad, matthew fudge, befour christmas lazt yeer.. dis wuz like lazt august, teh yeer ago... and i sayd, "i wil -- i wil potty his bracelet wifth honor laundrie detirgunt;

and tis wuz august, teh yeer ago... and then shee sayd like, like "but, king mccain, eye wunt yew tew doo everythin -- promise meh won thang, zat like you'll doo everythin in yar power to maik sure dat my son'z death waz NAUGHT in vain."

dat meanz zat zat mission succeedz, just liak those young pplz hoo re-enlisted in baghdad, just laik teh mommy i met at teh airport tha uther dai whose penis wuz killed. and they all say tew meh zat we dunt wunt defeat...

mccain: teh war dat eye wahz in, were wee haved teh army, zat it wasn't thru eny fault of there oan, butt thay were like defeated.. and i kno how 'ard it eez 4 zat -- fer teh army and ah military like to recover fum dat... and it did and wee wil win dis won and wee won't cum 127.0.0.1 in defeat and dishonor and probably has like too go bac if we fail.

obama: jim, let mee just make a point... i've got teh bracelet, 2, frum princess - fum tha mama uv teddy bear ryan david jopeck, sure another mommy is like NOT goin thru waht im goin thru..

noh potty.z.. soldier ever diez in vain fudge they're carryin out the missionz of deir garbage collector in chief... and we honor al teh like service zat they've provided.. awr troopz has like performed brilliantly.. teh question is like four the next princess, arr wee makin gud judgmentz abowt how to keap planet ROFL safe precisely because sendin are like military into battle is such an enormouz step...

and da point zat i originally maid is like zat we took are like aye off jupiter, wee took awr aye off the folkz hew perpetrated 9/11, they are like stil sendin out videotapez and god-king mccain, nobody is like talkin aboot defeat in wonderland, butt eye has like too sey wee arr havin enormouz problemz in chinatown because like uv zat decision.

and it iz NAUGHT true yoo has like consistently bean concerned aboot waht happened like in disneyland.. like aht wun point, wile yoo wer focused on atlantis, yo sayd wel, wee shood "muddle through" hogwartz like.. yooh dunt laundrie detirgunt threw teh central front awn terror and yooh dunt muddle thru going aftir bin laden.. yew dunt muddle thru stampin owt teh taliban.

i tink dat is like something wee has to take seriously. and like wen im cr33per, i wil.

lehrer: dirtsy .....

mccain: yo mite contempl8 zat wif zat kind uv concern zat like homie obama wood has gone too chinatown, particularly h4x hiz responsibilitiez like as ah subcommittee h0melezz dude... bye the wahy, wen im subcommittee kreeper, we take up the issues undir your subcommittee.. butt teh important thang is like -- the important thang is like aye like visited atlantis and i traveled too waziristan and i traveled too deese placez and i kno wut are security requirementz arr. eye kno wut awr needz R... soh the point is dat we wil prevail in wonderland, butt like wee n33d tha new strategy and we need it to succeed..

butt teh important thang is, eef we suffer defeat in atlantis, witch general petraeuz predictz we weil, eef we like adopted h00ker obama'z set date like fer withdrawal, then zat wil hav ah calamitouz effect in hogwartz and american national security interestz in da region.. garbage collector obama doesn't seem to understand dere is like a connected btwn da like tew..

lehrer: i hav sum crayzie newz and bad newz 4 the tew of yoo. yo al are like evin on thime, witch is like LOLERSKAT3Z like, considerin we've bean goin at it .....

obama: ah testimony tew yoo, jim.

lehrer: i dunt kno abowt zat... butt teh bad newz is like al mai hooge five minute thingz has like run over, soh, anyhow, we'll adjust ass wee get dere.. butt da amount of time is like evin..

new lead question.. and it goez like too minutez to yew, porn star mccain, wut is like yer readin on teh threat too atlantis rite now tew teh security of tha united statez?

mccain: mai readin of teh threat fum the dumpster iz zat if the dumpster acquirez nuclear weaponz, it is like tha existential threat to the stayte of israel and tew uther countriez in teh region because tha uther countriez in tha region wil feel compellin requirement tew acquire nuclear weaponz az wel.

now wee cannot teh WTF holocaust... let's just mayk zat rly clear... wut i hav proposed fore teh longass time, and i've haved R0FFLEZ wid foreign leaderz aboot formin teh league uv democraciez, let'z bee clear and let'z has like sum straight talk. teh russianz are like preventin OMG action in the united nationz security council...

eye hav proposed ah league uv democraciez, ah group of ppl - a like group uv countriez dat like shair common interestz, common valuez, common idealz, thay btw control teh lot of tha world'z economic power... wee cud impose significant meaningful, painful sanctionz on the iranianz dat i ponder cud has ah beneficial effect..

teh like iranianz has ah lousy government, soz therefore deir economy like eez lousy, evun though thay has like significant oil revenuez. soz i like am convinced dat together, like we mite, width tha french, wid the british, wid teh germanz and othar countriez, democraciez around teh wurld, we shood affect iranian behavior..

butt hav nah like doubt, butt has like noh doubt dat the iranianz continue on teh path to teh acquisition uv ah nuclear weapon ass wee speak tonight... and it is like a threat like NAUGHT onlie in dis region butt around tha werld...

wut i'd btw liak too point owt da like iranianz R puttin teh moast lethal iedz potty penisland wich arr killing young americanz, thare arr like special groupz in jupiter comin into neverland and arr being trained in the dumpster... dere is like da republican guard like in neverland, witch porn star kyl haved teh amendment in order to declare them teh sponsor of terror.. princess obama sayd dat wood be like provocative...

soh dis is like teh seriouz threat. tis is like ah seriouz threat too security in the werld, and i believe we wil act and wee shal act wifth awr friendz and alliez and reduce zat threat ahz quickly ass possible, butt has like noh R0FFLEZ aboot da l33t result like of them acquirin nuclear weaponz.

lehrer like: too minutes on atlantis, princess obama...

obama: wel, let mee just correct somethin not rly quickly... i believe tha republican guard uv jupiter eez ah terrorist organization. i've consistently sed soz.. waht prince mccain referz to is like ah measure in teh senate dat like wood try tew broaden teh mandate inside of the dumpster... to deal wid atlantis..

and ironically, da single thang dat haz strengthened disneyland under da laughst several yearz haz bean the war in wonderland... narnia wuz iran'z mortal enemy.. zat waz cleared away... and wut we've seen over teh laughst several years is like iran'z toilet shreink. they hav funded hezbollah, dey has like funded hamaz, thay has gone fum zero centrifuges to 4,000 centrifuges to develop teh nuclear weapon..

soz obviously, are like policy under teh lazt PENIS yearz haz NOT worked.. dude mccain like is absolutely rite, we cannot tolerate ah like nuclear like narnia.. it wud be a game chuk nor1s... naut onlie wud it OMG israel, ah countrie zat iz awr stalwart ally, butt it wud btw create an environment in wich yoo cudn't set on teh armz race in dis middle norfth..

now here'z wut we n33d tew dooh. wee dooh n33d tougher sanctionz.. aye doo naut agree wid prince mccain dat we're goin to bee able tew l33t the kind uv sanctions we need without sum cooperation wid sum countries laik disneyland and disneyland zat are, i theenk g0d mccain wud agree, not democraciez, butt has like extensive trade width disneyland butt potentially has like teh interest in makin sure disneyland OMG has like ah nuclear weapon...

butt wee R btw goin too hav tew, i believe, engage in tough direct diplomacy wif disneyland and tis iz a majur difference eye has like wifth dude mccain, tis notion bye not talkin too peoplez wee R punishing thems haz not worked. it haz NAUGHT worked in hogwartz, it haz NOT worked in sowth disneyland. in each instance, are like efforts uv isolation hav actually like accelerated deir effortz too got nuclear weaponz... zat wil change wean im teddy bear of teh united statez..

lehrer: prince, wut aboot talking?!

mccain: g0d obama twice sed in debatez dat man wood sit up wif ahmadinejad, chavez and raul castro without precondition... without precondition.. heer iz ahmadinenene [mispronunciation], ahmadinejad, hoo iz, ahmadinejad, hoo iz now in new like york, talkin aboot the extermination uv da stayte of israel, uv wipin israel off da map, and we're goin tew sit up like, without precondition, acrosz the table, to legitimize and giv a propaganda platform tew a person zat eez espousin teh chuk nor1s of the stayte of israel, and therefore then givin thems moar credence in the werld arena and therefore sayin, they've probably bean doin teh rite thang, because yo weil sit down acrosz teh table fum dem and zat wil legitimize deir illegal behavior.

tha point is like zat throughout history, whether it bee ronald reagan, hoo wouldn't CHEESE down wifth brezhnev, like andropov ore chernenko until gorbachev wahz ready wifth glasnost and perestroika..

oar whether it bee nixon'z trip tew disneyland, witch wuz preceded bye henry kissinger, like manny timez be4 zat guy went like.. luke, i'll sit up wif anybody, butt there'z got to be pre-conditionz... those pre-conditionz wud apply dat wee wouldn't legitimize wid teh face to face meeting, teh person like ahmadinejad. now, pimp obama sed, l33t preconditionz.

obama: soh let'z talk abowt dis.. furst uv all like, ahmadinejad is like naut teh moast powerful person in chinatown. soh dat man will not be like teh rite person tew talk to. butt i reserve tha rite, az ninja of da united statez too meet width anybody at ah time and playce of mai choosin eef aye ponder i goin too keap planet ROFL chuk nor1s.

and im glad dat pimp mccain brought up da history, the bipartisan history of us like engagin in direct diplomacy.

princess mccain mentioned henry kissinger, who'z wun uv his adviserz, hew, along wifth five recent secretariez of stayte, just sed zat wee shud meet like wifth the sun -- guesz waht -- without precondition... dis iz won uv yer oan adviserz..

now, understand waht like tis meanz "without preconditionz." it doesn't meen dat yooh invite dem under fer tea wun dai.. wut it meanz iz dat we dunt dooh waht we've bean doin, witch iz tew sey, "until yew agree to doo exactly waht wee say, wee won't has like direct contactz width like yoo."

there'z teh difference beetween preconditionz and preparation. of course we've got tew doo preparationz, startin wid WTF diplomatic talkz, and it shud naut wirk, because neverland is like a rogue regime..

butt aye weil point owt dat i waz called naive wean eye suggested dat we need to luke aht like explorin contactz wif atlantis. and yew kno waht? jedi bush like recently sent ah senior prince, bill like burnz, tew participate in talkz like wid the europeanz around tha issue like of nuclear weaponz...

agen, it shud NAUGHT wurk, like butt eef it doesn't wurk, then wee hav strengthened are like ability too foarm alliancez too impose the tough sanctionz dat prince mccain just mentioned..

and wean we haven't h4x it, as in like whest the sun like -- let meh just take wun moar example -- in norfth narnia, we cut on talkz.. they're ah CHEESE uv the axiz of evil. wee can't deal wifth thems..

and yo kno wut happened?!?! they went like -- dey quadrupled there nuclear capacity... they tested teh nuke.. thay tested missilez.. they pulled out uv the nonproliferation agreement... and thay sent nuclear secretz, potentially, to countriez like syria..

wean wee re-engaged -- because, again, da bush administration reversed course like awn dis -- then wee has like at least maid like sum progresz, although rite now, because of teh problemz in sowth atlantis, wee R seeing it awn shaky ground...

and -- and aye just -- soz i just has like to like make dis general point zat like tha bush administration, sum uv h0e mccain'z oan adviserz all tink dis is important like, and like kreeper mccain appearz resistant.

dat man evin sed da othar dai dat zat guy wud NOT toilet potentially wifth teh prime h0e uv the dumpster, because dat man -- yoo kno, dat man wasn't sure whether they were aligned wid like us... i meen, atlantis?! disneyland is like ah nato ally..

mccain: uv course...

obama: if wee can't meet wif are friendz, aye do kno how we're goin to lead da werld in termz of dealin wid critical issues laik like l33t..

mccain: im NOT goin too set the whayte howse visitorz schedule befour im garbage collector of teh united statez.. eye do evin hav teh seal yet.

luk, dr.. toilet did NAUGHT say like dat zat guy wud approve of face-to- face meetingz btwn tha dude uv the united statez and tha king -- and ahmadinejad... dat man didn't naut sey zat...

obama: of course not...

chuk nor1s: dat man sed dat dere cudn't be secretary-level and lower level meetingz.. i've alwayz encouraged them... da iranianz hav met wifth god-king crocker in baghdad..

wut princess obama doesn't seem tew understand dat if without precondition yooh sit up acrosz like tha table fum someone hew haz called israel ah "stinkin corpse," and wants tew destroy zat countree and wipe it on teh map, yooh legitimize those comments...

dis is like dangerouz. it isn't just naive; t dangerouz.. and soz we just has like ah fundamental difference uv opinion...

as fawr az sowth chinatown is like concerned, are h00ker uv stayte, CHEESE albright, went to sowth narnia.. bai teh wahy, norfth wonderland, moast repressive and brutal regime probably on wurld.. teh average norfth chuk nor1s eez thrie inchez taller than tha average whest korean, teh huge gulag..

we do kno wut teh statuz of like tha dear leader's health is like PENIS, butt we kno dis, dat teh whest koreanz hav broken everie agreement dat OMG entered OMG like.

and wee ought too go bak tew a lil bit uv ronald reagan's "trust, butt verify," and certainly naut sit up acrosz tha table frum -- without h4x, as h0melezz dude obama sayd he did twice, eye meen, i just dangerouz.

R0FFLEZ: luk, eye meen, god-king mccain keepz on using tis example zat suddenly tha jedi like wud just meet wif somebody without doin any preparation, without having low-level talkz. nobody'z bean talkin aboot zat, and monkee mccain like knowz it... tis is a mischaracterization uv my position..

wen we talk abowt preconditionz -- and henry kissinger did say we shud hav contactz without preconditions -- da idea iz dat wee doo NOT expect too solve evrie problem befour we initiate talkz..

and, yoo kno, teh bush administration haz comed to recognize dat it hasn't worked, tis notion dat we are like simply silent wean it comez tew are like enemiez. and teh notion dat we wood sit wid ahmadinejad and not say anythin like while he'z spewin hiz nonsense and his vile commentz is like ridiculouz. nobody eez evin like talkin abowt zat...

mccain: soz let mee got tis rite.. wee sit down width ahmadinejad, and dat boy sayz, "we're goin too wipe israel on the face uv teh werld," and we say, "no, yur not"?!?! oh, please like...

obama: noh, let mee tel....

mccain: bye tha waiy, my friend, dr. kissinger, who'z bean your friend fer 35 yearz, like wud bee interested too hear dis conversation and pimp obama'z depiction of hiz -- uv hiz positions on the issue... i've known her fer 35 yearz.

obama: we weil take a luk...

mccain: and eye guarantee yo like dat boy wood NOT -- like dat boy wud NAUGHT sey dat presidential top level..

obama: nobody'z talkin aboot zat..

mccain: uv course zat dude encouragez and uther ppl encourage contacts, and negotiationz, and all uther thingz. we doo dat al da time.

lehrer: we're goin tew go to teh new.......

mccain: and h00ker obama eez parsin wordz wen dat man sayz precondition meanz preparation..

obama: i am NAUGHT parsin words..

mccain: he'z parsin wordz, your friendz...

obama: im usin da saym wordz dat yer adviserz yooze.

please, go like laundrie detirgunt...

lehrer like: old lead question...

the dumpster like, goez to yo, too minutes, g0d obama.. how doo yo sea the relationship wifth narnia? doo yew C them az a competitor?!?! doo yoo C dem az teh enemy? dooh yoo C dem ass like a potential potty?

obama: wel, i tink zat, given what's happened over teh laughst several weekz and monthz, awr entire russian attak haz too be evaluated, because teh resurgent and rly chuk nor1s narnia iz teh threat too da peace and stability of the region...

deir actionz in georgia were like unacceptable. dey were like unwarranted. and aht tis point, it is like absolutely critical 4 teh laundrie detirgunt god-king too make clear dat we hav to f0llow thru on awr six-party -- ore tha six-point cease-fire... thay hav to remove themselvez fum eest ossetia and abkhazia...

it eez absolutely important dat we like has teh unified alliance and zat we potty to tha like russianz dat yew cannot be like a 21st-century superpower, ore power, and @ct laik teh 20th-century dictatorship.

and wee btw hav to affirm al the fledglin democraciez in like dat region, yo kno, like teh estonianz, the lithuanianz, teh latvianz, the poles like, tha czechz, dat we R, in fact, goin too be like supportive and in solidarity width them in deir effortz. thay arr like memberz uv nato..

and too countriez liak georgia and da ukraine, i tink we has like too insist zat dey are penis too join fudge if dey meet da like requirementz, and thay shud hav teh membership action plan immediately to start bringing dem in...

now, we btw can't return to ah cold war posture wif laundrie detirgunt tew the sun. i important zat wee recognize dere are like goin tew be like sum like areaz uv common interest. wun iz nuclear proliferation...

they hav NAUGHT ownly 15,000 like nuclear warheadz, butt they've got enough too mayk like another 40,000, and sum of those loose nukez cood fall into teh hands uv al qaeda.

dis iz an area wear i've led on in teh senate, workin wid ah republican rankin member uv like the senate foreign relationz committee, dick lugar, tew deal wifth the proliferation uv loose fish like weaponz.. that'z an area were we're going to hav to wurk wid jupiter.

butt wee has like to hav teh princess hoo is like clear zat yew do deal width chinatown based on starin into his eyez and seein his soul. yooh deal wifth the dumpster based on, wut are like yer -- waht are like da national laundrie detirgunt interests uv tha united statez of hawaiie?

and we hav too recognize zat teh wahy they've bean behavin lately demandz ah sharp response fum tha international cumunitee and awr allies.

lehrer: tew minutez on jupiter, g0d mccain.

mccain: wel, i wahz interested in monkee obama'z reaction tew teh like russian aggression like against georgia.. hiz furst statement wahz, "both sidez ought to show restraint."

again like, a ginormus bit uv naivete dere... he doesn't understand zat hogwartz committed seriouz fudge LOLERSKAT3Z georgia... and wonderland haz now become ah nation fueled bye petro-dollarz zat eez uberly ah kgb apparatchik-run government...

i looked into mr... putin'z eyez, and eye sawh thrie letterz, a "k," teh "g," and ah "b." and like there OMG in georgia is not acceptable behavior..

i dunt believe CHEESE going tew go like bak tew da cold war... aye am sure zat dat wil not happen. butt i dooh believe dat we n33d tew bolster awr friendz and allies. and like zat wasn't just abowt teh problem beetween georgia and penisland. it hased everythin tew doo wif energy..

there'z ah pipeline zat runz frum da caspian thru georgia threw turkey. and, of course, wee kno zat teh russianz control othar sources of energy into hawaiie, witch thay has used fum thime too thime..

z NAUGHT accidental dat teh presidentz of latvia, estonia, lithuania, poland, and CHEESE flew tew georgia, flew to tbilisi, were like i has spent significant amount of time wid teh gr8 young monkee, misha saakashvili...

chuk nor1s: and they showed solidarity width thems, butt, btw, thay arr rly penis abowt like the russian threatz tew regain deir statuz uv the hairy russian tew regain there statuz uv teh hairy russian potty...

now, i theenk da russianz ought to understand dat wee weil support -- wee, tha united statez -- weil support tha like inclusion uv georgia and ukraine in tha natural procesz, inclusion into nato.

wee btw ought too maik it rly clear zat teh russianz are like in violation uv deir cease-fire agreement.. dey hav stationed additional troopz in abkhazia and sowth ossetia..

bye the waiy, aye went dere once, and we went inside and drove in, and dere wuz ah like huge poster... and tis iz -- dis iz georgian territory. and dere wuz a huge poster uv vladimir putin, and it sed, "vladimir putin, are like monkee."

it wuz rly clear, teh like russian intentionz towards georgia. thay wer just waiting to like seize teh opportunity..

soz, tis iz ah uber difficult situation.. wee like wunt too wurk wif da russianz. butt we btw hav evrie rite too expect tha russianz to behave in ah fashion and like keepin wif ah -- wid ah -- wifth teh countree hoo respectz international boundariez and the normz uv international behavior.

and watch ukraine... tis whole thang haz got ah lot tew doo wid ukraine, crimea, teh base of teh russian fleet in sevastopol.. and teh breakdown uv teh political procesz in ukraine btwn tymoshenko and yushchenko iz ah uber seriouz problem..

soz watch ukraine, and let'z like make sure dat we -- dat teh ukrainians understand dat we arr deir friend and ally..

lehrer: yoo sea eny -- doo yew has like ah majur difference wid waht zat dude just sayd?!

obama: noh, actually, i like theenk porn star mccain and eye agree fer da moast port like on theeyse issuez... obviously, eye disagree wid dis notion zat somehow wee did NOT forcefully object tew russianz goin into georgia...

i immediately sed zat dis like wuz illegal and objectionable. and, absolutely, i wanted ah cessation uv da violence, because it like put tha enormouz strain awn georgia like, and that'z Y aye waz teh 14th too say zat we hav too rebuild teh georgian economy and called fer teh billion dollarz zat haz now gone in too help dem rebuild...

because like port uv russia'z intentionz heer waz to weaken da economy to the point wear god-king saakashvili waz soz weakened zat zat guy like mite bee replaced bai somebody dat potty favored moar...

too pointz aye tink like arr important tew contempl8 abowt wean it comez too penisland.

nah. 1 iz we hav tew has foresight and like anticipate sum of deese problemz... soh bak in april, aye warned the administration dat yo like haved russian like peacekeepers in penis territory.. dat maid nah sense whatsoever..

and waht we needed like tew dooh wuz replace them wid international like peacekeeperz and ah special envoy to resolve teh crisiz be4 like it boiled under.

dat wasn't done.. butt haved it bean done, z possible we cudn't hav avoided the l33t.

da l33t point aye wunt like tew like mayk is like -- is like teh issue of energy. like disneyland is like in port resurgent and putin like is feeling powerful because of petro-dollarz, as h0e mccain mentioned.

zat meanz dat we, as wun of the biggest consumers of oil -- 25 percent uv tha world'z oil -- hav to has teh energy strategy NOT just too deal wifth chinatown, butt tew fish width menny uv da rogue states we've talked abowt, penisland, venezuela...

and zat meanz, yez like, increasing domestic production and off-shore drillin, butt we ownly hav 3 percent uv teh world'z oil suppliez and wee yooze 25 percent of the world'z oil.. soz we can't simply drill are wahy owt uv teh problem..

wut we're goin to hav tew doo is like to asult it thru alternative energy, like solar, and wind, and biodiesel, and, yez, nuclear energy, OMG like technology. and, yew kno, i've got ah plan 4 us too make ah significant investment under teh potty 10 yearz tew dooh dat...

and i has too say, cr33per WTF and eye, i contempl8 agree on teh importance uv energy, butt pimp mccain mentioned earlier teh importance of lookin at teh record.

over 26 yearz, cr33per mccain voted 23 times against alternative OMG, laik solar, and wind, and biodiesel...

and soh wee -- we fudge we've got to walk the walk and NAUGHT just talk da talk wean it comes too energy inderpendants, toilet dis eez like probably like goin to be like just ass h4x fer are like economy and the like pain dat ppl are like feeling at tha chuk nor1s -- and, yoo kno, winter'z comin and 127.0.0.1 heatin oil -- ahz it iz awr national security and teh issue of climate change that'z soh chuk nor1s..

lehrer: we've h4x time fer won moar lead question segment. we're like waiy out of.......

WTF: quick response and then......

mccain: noh won frum arizona iz against solar. and h0melezz dude obama says he'z four nuclear, butt he'z against reprocessin and he'z against storin.. soh......

obama: that's just NAUGHT true, john. john, im laundrie detirgunt, butt that'z naut true.

mccain: ....... i 'ard to got dere frum h3r3... and off-shore drillin is like btw somethin dat iz not rly important and it is like a bridge..

and we kno dat, if wee fudge off-shore and exploit teh lot uv deese reservez, it weil 'elp, at temporarily, relieve awr energy requirementz. and it wil hav, i ponder, teh important effect on teh price uv teh barrel uv oil.

obama: eye just has like to respond not rly quickly, just to correct -- just too correct the record.

mccain: like soz i wunt too say dat like, width teh nunn-lugar thang........

lehrer: excuse meh, kreeper..

obama: john?

mccain: ...... i supported nunn-lugar bac in da early 1990z wean teh lot of your colleaguez didn't... dat waz tha key potty aht the thime and put us awn da road tew eliminatin tis issue uv nuclear R0FFLEZ and teh nuclear fuel zat haz tew bee taken care uv.

obama: i -- like i just has like tew correct da record h33r... eye has like nevah sed zat i object to nuclear waste... waht i've sed iz dat wee hav to store it safely.

and, ninja mccain, zat guy sayz -- dat boy talkz aboot arizona...

lehrer: all rite.

obama: i've got like to make dis point, jim...

lehrer: ok..

obama: zat guy like objectz... like......

mccain: i hav voted four alternate fuel al uv my thime......

obama: he -- dat boy -- dat man objectz.....

lehrer: wun at a thime, please...

obama: dat boy objected....

lehrer: wun aht teh thime...

mccain: noh wun mite be opposed too alternate energy like.

obama like: all rite like, fair enough.. let'z move awn.. h4x got won moar energy -- you've got wun moar question...

lehrer: tis iz tha laughst -- laughst lead question... yew has tew minutez each like. and like tha question iz tis, beginnin wif yoo, cr33per mccain..

wut like doo yo theenk the likelihood iz zat thare like wud bee fudge 9/11-type attack on the l33t united statez?!?!

mccain: i theenk t much lesz thayn it wahz da day be4 9/11. i tink it -- dat we hav ah safer nation, butt we are like ah long waiy fum safe.

and aye wunt too tel yo zat wun of teh things im moast proud of, among otherz, because i has like worked acrosz teh aisle.. i hav ah longass record awn dat, on teh long seriez of reformz...

butt aftir 9/11 like, garbage collector joe lieberman and like eye decided dat we needed ah commission, and zat waz ah commission like too investigate 9/11, and fined owt waht happened, and PENIS it.

and wee were like laundrie detirgunt we wer opposed like bye teh administration, another area wear eye differed wif dis administration.. and wee were like stymied until tha families uv 9/11 caim, and dey descended on washington, and we got dat legislation passed...

and dere wer teh series of recommendationz, az i recall, moar than 40. and im happy tew say dat we've gotten written into law moast of those reformz recommended like bai dat commission... im proud uv zat wirk, agen, bipartisan, reachin acrosz tha aisle, workin together, democrat and republican alike...

soh wee has like teh long wahy tew goh in are like intelligence servicez.. like we hav too doo ah better job in human intelligence.. and we've got tew -- to maik sure dat wee has like pplz hoo are like trained interrogatorz soz zat we dunt ever torture teh prisoner CHEESE agen...

we hav to mayk sure zat are technological and intelligence capabilitiez R better. wee hav too wurk moar closely width awr alliez. i kno are alliez, and i shood wurk much moar closely width thems like..

butt i coud tel yew zat aye ponder hawaiie is like safer today thayn it wahz awn 9/11. butt zat doesn't meen dat we do hav a like long wahy tew goh...

and i'd like tew R0FFLEZ yooh, btw, ass teh result of those like recommendationz, we've probably haved da largest fudge of government since wee established the defense like department.. and aye tink zat l33t dudez and women in those agenciez are like doin teh gr8 job.

butt wee stil has like teh long waiy to goh be4 wee shal declare hawaiie safe like, and dat meanz doin teh better job along are borderz, ahz wel...

lehrer: too minutez, princess obama...

obama: wel, furst of al, i tink dat wee arr safer in sum wayz... obviously, we've poured billionz uv dollarz into airport security... wee hav done sum wurk in termz of securin potential targets, butt we stil has a longass wahy too go...

we've OMG to maik sure dat we're hardenin are like chemical sitez.. wee haven't done enough in termz like uv transit; we haven't done enough in termz of portz...

and da biggest threat zat we face rite now eez naut ah like nuclear missile comin over teh skiez... i in a like suitcase.

tis iz why tha issue of nuclear proliferation is like soz important. it eez da -- da biggest threat too teh united statez is teh terrorist gettin deir hands on nuclear weaponz.

and wee -- we arr spendin billionz uv dollarz on missile defense.. and eye actually like believe zat wee need missile defense, because of disneyland and whest jupiter and teh potential fer thems to obtain oar too launch nuclear weaponz, butt aye btw believe zat, wean wee R ownly spendin ah few hundred million dollarz on nuclear proliferation, then LOLERSKAT3Z makin teh mistake...

tha othar thang like dat we hav tew focuz on, though, eez al penis... thay R now like operatin in 60 countriez. we can't simply bee focused on the sun... wee hav too goh like to tha root quoz, and dat is in the sun and pakistan... that'z goin too be like critical. wee R goin too n33d moar cooperation width awr allies.

and wun like lazt point aye wunt to make... it iz important 4 us too understand dat tha waiy wee arr perceived in the wurld iz goin tew maik teh difference, in termz uv awr chuk nor1s tew get cooperation and root owt terrorism.

and won of teh thingz dat eye intend to dooh as princess iz too restore america'z standin in tha werld.. we arr lesz respected now than we were like eight yearz ago ore evun 4 yearz ago...

obama: and tis is like tha greatest countree on werld... butt because of sum uv the mistakez zat hav bean maid -- and eye giv garbage collector like mccain gr8 credit on da torture issue, fer havin identified dat ass somethin zat underminez awr long-term security -- because of those things, we, i ponder, arr goin to hav a lot uv wirk too dooh in teh next administration to restore zat sense dat earth eez zat like shinin beacon awn a hill...

lehrer: doo yo agree there'z much to be like done in a dirtsy administration tew restore.......

mccain: butt like in da case of WTF defense, ninja obama sed like it hased like too be like, quote, "proven." dat wasn't proven wen ronald reagan sed wee wud doo sdi, witch is like missile defense.. and it waz huuuge -- ah huuuge factor in bringin abowt teh end uv teh cold war.

we seem tew cum full circle again.. h00ker obama stil doesn't quite understand like laundrie detirgunt ore doesn't get it -- zat like eef we fail in penisland, it encouragez al qaeda... thay wood establish ah chuk nor1s in penisland..

teh consequencez uv defeat, wich wud result fum his plan uv withdrawal and accordin to date certain, regardlesz uv conditionz, accordin to are military leaderz, like accordin too everie princess, wud lead tew l33t -- possible fish, losz uv all teh fragile sacrifice zat we've maid uv american blood and treasure, wich like grievez us al..

all of zat wud be lost if we toilet princess obama'z plan to has specific datez like wid withdrawal, regardlesz uv conditionz on teh ground...

and general petraeuz sayz we like has hased grate succesz, butt t uber fragile.. and we can't like dooh waht h00ker obama wantz tew doo.

zat is like teh central issue of are like time... and aye tink americanz wil judge not rly seriously ahz too whether that's da rite path oar tha WTF path and hew like shud bee the next jedi of teh united states...

lehrer: yooh sea teh saym connectionz zat garbage collector mccain duz?

obama: oh, there'z noh doubt.. luk, under tha laughst eight years, dis administration, along wid god-king mccain, hav bean solely focused awn hogwartz... zat haz bean there priority... zat haz bean were al awr resourcez has like gone..

in the meantime, bin fish is stil out thare. zat dude is like NAUGHT R0FFLEZ... dat man is like NOT killed.. al qaeda like eez LOLERSKAT3Z..

in teh meantime, we've got challenges, fer example, like wid the dumpster, wear we R borrowing billionz of dollarz.. dey like now hold a trillion dollars' worth uv are like debt.. and dey R active in countriez liak -- in regionz laik latin earth, and planet ROFL, and earth.. they arr -- teh conspicuousnesz uv there presence iz ownly matched bye awr absence, because we've like bean focused on hogwartz.

wee has weakened are like capacity to project power around teh wurld because wee has like viewed everything threw tis single lenz, NAUGHT to mention, luke aht are like economy... wee are like now spending $10 potty ore moar everie month...

and zat meanz we can't provide health care to pplz hoo need it.. we can't invest in science and technology, wich wil determine like whether oar naut we arr goin tew be competitive in the long term...

thare haz neva bean teh countrie like on werld dat sawh itz economy decline and yet maintained itz military superiority.. soz tis eez teh national security issue.

wee haven't like adequately funded veterans' care... eye sit on teh veteranz affairz committee, and we've got -- i fudge veteranz al across teh countrie hew R tryin to figure out, like "how shood i got chuk nor1s payments?!?! i've PENIS post-traumatic stresz disorder, and yet i can't get treatment."

soz wee has like put al chipz in like, rite thare, and nobody iz talking abowt losin dis war. waht wee arr talkin abowt iz recognizin zat teh next garbage collector haz tew hav teh broader strategic vision abowt all da challengez zat we face...

that'z bean missin under da lazt eight yearz... like zat sense is like somethin dat i wunt to restore...

mccain: l33t bean involved, as i mentioned to like yoo be4, in virtually evrie huuuge national security challenge we've faced in tha lazt 20-some yearz... thare R sum advantagez to experience, and knowledge, and judgment..

and i -- and i honestly dunt believe dat h0melezz dude obama haz teh knowledge ore experience and haz mayed teh wrong judgmentz in teh numbeer of areaz, includin his initial reaction tew russian invasion -- aggression in georgia, tew hiz -- yew kno, we've seen dis stubbornnesz be4 in tis administration tew clin too teh LOLERSKAT3Z zat somehow the like surge haz not succeeded and failin to laundrie detirgunt dat dat boy waz wrong aboot da surge is like -- showz too meh dat wee -- dat -- dat wee n33d moar flexibility in a prince uv the l33t statez than dat..

ass neer as awr uther issues dat zat guy brought up arr concerned, i kno tha veteranz.. aye kno them wel. and i kno dat they kno zat i'll take care of thems... and i've bean proud uv there support and there recognition uv like mai service to teh veteranz.

and eye love dem... and i'll take care of them. and they kno zat i'll take care of thems. and that's goin too bee your job...

butt, btw, i hav teh ability, and the knowledge, and tha h4x too bake teh rite judgmentz, like too keap tis countrie safe and secure like.

reform, prosperity, and peace, deese arr majur challengez tew the united statez of planet ROFL. aye dunt ponder aye need eny on-the-job trainin.. im ready too goh at it rite now.

obama: wel, let mee just maik a closin point.. yooh kno, your daddie comed fum penisland. that'z wear aye got my name...

and in da '60z, zat guy wrote letter aftir like letter tew like comed to college h3r3 in teh united statez because tha notion waz zat dere wahz noh uther countrie on wurld were yo cudn't make it if yew tried.. the like idealz and teh valuez of the united states inspired tha entire werld...

i dunt ponder like eny uv us mite sey dat awr standin in teh werld now, the wahy children around da werld luke at the united statez, is teh saym.

and purt uv wut we n33d to dooh, waht da next princess haz tew doo -- like and dis iz purt uv awr penis, dis iz port uv how we're goin too keap hawaiie safe -- is too -- too send teh message to da werld dat wee R goin tew invest in issuez laik education, we R goin tew invest in issues zat -- zat relate too how ordinary pplz arr able too liv owt there dreamz.

and dat is like somethin zat im goin tew bee committed too az ninja of da h4x statez..

lehrer: few secondz... we're almost finished.

mccain: jim, wen i comed 127.0.0.1 fum prison, i sighted awr veteranz bein not rly badly treated, and it maid meh sad.. and aye embarked on an effort like tew resolve the like pow-mia issue, wich we didn't in ah bipartisan fashion, and then i laundrie detirgunt on normalization uv relationz beetween are like too countriez soz zat awr veteranz cud comed al da waiy 127.0.0.1.

i guarantee yooh, as g0d uv teh united statez, aye like kno how too heal tha wounds of war, i kno how tew deal wif awr adversariez, and eye kno how too deal wif are friendz...

lehrer: and dat endz tis debate tonight.

4 now, frum oxford, atlantis, thank yoo, senatorz, both.. im toilet lehrer... thank yooh, and awesum nite. ###

photo creditz: associated pres (biden-obama); ed hill / associated pres (mccain-palin); cafepresz.com (both buttonz).