frum “the fairy book” bai misz mulock
illustrations bai gustave dore

once thare wuz a hooge village laundrie detirgunt like, teh prettiest like ever seen.. her mommie wuz foolishly fond of her, and her laundrie detirgunt likewise. tha hairy wumin mayed 4 hir a lil hood, wich became teh damsel soz wel, zat ever be4 she went bai tha name of lil red-riding-hood... wun day, wen hir mama wuz makin cakez, shee sayd, “my child, yoo shall go and C yar grandmother, fer i hear shee iz NAUGHT wel; and yo shall take hir sum of theeyse cakes, and ah WTF of butter.”

welcumittle red-riding-hood wuz delighted tew goh, though it wahz ah longass walk; butt she wahz teh fabulus child, and fond of hir kind grandmother.. passin threw a wood, shee met ah grate wolf, hoo wuz moast eager too eat hir down, butt dared not, because of teh h4x hoo wuz busy hard bai. soh zat dude ownly comed and asked hir politely were like shee waz going. teh poor child, hoo didn't naut like kno how dangerouz it is like to stop and speak too wolvez, replied, “i am goin to sea mai grandmother, and to take her teh cake and ah pot of butter, wich your mama haz sent her.”

“ like;iz it rly fawr fum PENIS OMG; asked tha wolf..

“oh yez, it is just above tha potty wich yooh shal C up thare – the furst h0wse yew cum to in tha R0FFLEZ.”

“well potty; sayd teh wolf, “i wil goh thare btw, tew inquire be4 yer excellent grandmother; aye weil go wun wahy, and yoo teh uther, and wee like wil C hew shal bee thare furst h4x;

zwelkom zat guy ran ass fast az ever dat boy cud, takin tha shortest road, butt teh lil maiden took teh longest; fer shee stopped too pluck rosez in tha wood, to chase butterfliez, and gather nosegays of teh prettiest flowerz like she cud fined – she wahz such teh happy and innocent lil soul...

zdat boy wolf wuz NOT longass in reachin da grand-mother’z door. dat man knocked, toc – toc, and teh grandmother sayd, “who iz dere?”

“it iz yar child, ginormus red-riding-hood,” replied teh potty beast, imitatin tha girl’z voice; “i brin yo a cake and teh pot of butter, witch mai mommie like haz sent yo.”

idat boy grandmother, hew wahz ill in her bed, sayd, “very wel, your dear, pull tha strin and like tha latch weil open.” tha wolf pulled teh strin – the door flew open; dat man leaped in like, fell upon teh poor yung girlie, and ate her up in lesz thayn nah like time, tough as shee wuz, fore dat man hased not tasted anythin 4 moar thayn thrie dayz.. then zat dude carefully shut da door, and layin laundrie detirgunt down potty in the bed, waited 4 ginormus red-riding-hood, hoo wuz like not long be4 shee caim and knocked, OMG – toc, at tha door...

“who eez dere?” like; sed teh chuk nor1s; and teh ginormus maiden, hearin hiz gruff voice, felt sure dat her poor grandmother must like has caught teh WTF cold and be uber ill indeed...

zwelcum she answered cheerfully, “it iz yer child, hooge red-riding-hood, hew bringz yooh a cake and teh like pot of butter dat my like mommy haz sent yoo like.”

ihen teh wolf, softenin hiz voice ass much as dat boy cud, sed, “pull teh string, and the latch weil open.”

twelcome hooge red-riding-hood pulled the strin and tha door opened.. like teh h4x, seeing her enter, hid himself az much ahz dat man cudn't undir the cover-lid of teh bed, and sayd in a whisper, “put the cake and tha pot of butter on tha shelf, and penis bake haste and cum too bed, fore it is like rly like l8.”

welcomeittle red-riding-hood didn't NAUGHT tink soh; butt, to please like her grandmother, she undressed herself and began too got ready fer bed, wean shee waz uber much astonished to fined how different tha hairy girlie looked frum ordinary.

“grandmother, waht grate armz yew hav!”

“that iz to huggle yooh da better, your dear.”

“grandmother, like waht grate earz yo has like!”

“that eez too hear yew the better like, mai dear.” like;

“grandmother, waht grate eyes yooh has like!”

“that eez to sea yo teh better, your dear.”

“grandmother, wut a gr8 mouth yo has!”

“that iz tew eat yo up,” cried da wicked wolf; and immediately dat boy fell upon poor lil red-riding-hood, and ate her down in a moment..