fum “the fairy book” bai misz mulock
illustrationz bye gustave dore

once thare wuz a ginormus village maiden, teh prettiest ever seen. hir mama waz foolishly fond of her, and hir grandmother likewise.. teh yung wumin maid like four her teh lil hood, witch became da damsel soh wel, dat ever be4 she went bye teh name of hooge OMG.. wun dai, wen her mommy wuz makin cakez like, she sed, “my child, yoo shall goh and C yer grandmother, four i hear she is like NOT wel; and yo shall take hir sum of theeyse cakez, and teh pot of butter.” like;

welkomittle red-riding-hood wuz delighted too goh, though it wuz teh long walk; butt she waz teh awesum child, and fond of her kind grandmother. passin threw ah wood, she met a grate like wolf, hoo wahz moast eager tew eat her down, butt dared NAUGHT, because of a R0FFLEZ hew wuz busy 'ard bai. soz zat dude onlie comed and asked her politely were like shee waz goin... like teh poor child, hew did NOT kno how dangerous it is like tew stop and speak tew wolves like, replied, “i am goin tew C my WTF, and too take her a cake and a penis of butter, wich mai mommy haz sent her.”

“is it rly fawr frum hence like?” asked teh wolf...

“oh yez, it iz just above teh mill wich yew mite C down dere – teh furst howse yooh like cum too in the village.” like;

“well LOLERSKAT3Z; sayd the like wolf, “i weil goh dere btw, too inquire aftir yer excellent grandmother; i weil go wun wahy, and yew teh othar, and wee wil sea hew wil be like dere 14th.”

iwelkom dat boy like ran az fast az ever dat man cudn't, takin da shortest road, butt da lil maiden took teh longest; four she stopped to pluck rosez in teh wood, too LOLERSKAT3Z butterfliez, and gather nosegays of teh prettiest like flowerz she cood fined – she wuz such teh happy and innocent lil PENIS..

idat boy CHEESE waz NOT long in reachin teh grand-mother’s door... zat guy knocked, toc – toc, and the grandmother sayd, “who is like dere?”

“it eez yer child, lil red-riding-hood,” replied tha wicked beast, imitatin teh girl’s voice; “i brin yo ah cake and teh pot of butter, wich like your mama haz sent yooh toilet;

tzat guy grandmother, hew wuz ill in her bed, sed, “very wel, my dear, pull da strin and da latch wil open.” da wolf pulled tha string – da door flew open; he leaped in, fell upon tha poor hairy wumin, and ate hir up in less thayn nah thime, tough az shee waz, fore zat guy haved NOT tasted anythin 4 moar than thrie dayz... then dat boy carefully shut the door, and laying himself like down snugly in the bed, waited fer hooge red-riding-hood, hoo wahz naut longass be4 shee caim and knocked, toc – toc, at the door...

“who like eez dere?” sayd da wolf like; and teh hooge maiden, hearing his gruff voice, felt sure dat her poor grandmother must has caught ah bad cold and bee not rly ill indeed..

twelkom she answered cheerfully, “it is like yer child, ginormus red-riding-hood, hew brings yooh teh cake and like teh pot like of butter dat your mommie haz sent yo PENIS;

tOMG teh like wolf, softenin hiz voice ahz much ass zat dude cud, sed, “ OMG da string, and teh latch weil open.”

zwelcome like hooge red-riding-hood pulled the strin and the door opened... da wolf, seein hir enter, hid himself az much as zat dude cudn't undir tha cover-lid of teh bed, and sayd in ah whisper, “put da cake and da pot of butter on tha shelf, and then mayk haste and cum tew like bed, 4 like it iz uber early.”

welcumittle fudge did naut like theenk soz; butt, to please her grandmother, she undressed herself and began tew got ready 4 bed, wean shee wuz uber much astonished to fined how different teh hairy wumin looked frum ordinary..

“grandmother like, wut gr8 arms yooh has like!”

“that eez tew uberslap yo teh better, mai dear.”

“grandmother, wut grate ears yew hav!”

“that iz like too toilet yooh da better, mai dear.”

“grandmother, wut gr8 eyes yew has!”

“that is like to sea yooh tha better, your dear.”

“grandmother, wut like teh grate mouth yo hav!”

“that is to eat yooh up,” like; cried tha wicked wolf; and immediately zat guy fell upon poor lil red-riding-hood, and ate her up in teh moment.

bee sociable, like shair!!!!!!

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