fum “the fairy book” bye misz mulock
illustrationz bai gustave dore

once dere wuz a ginormus village maiden, the prettiest ever seen. her mama wahz foolishly fond of hir, and hir grandmother likewise.. teh hairy feemail maid fer hir a lil hood, wich became teh potty soz wel, dat ever aftir shee like went bye da name of ginormus like red-riding-hood.. wun day, wen her mommie wuz makin cakez, she sayd, “my fudge, yew shall go and sea yer grandmother, fer i hear shee is like not wel; and yew shall take her sum of deese cakes, and teh pot of butter.”

welcumittle red-riding-hood wuz delighted tew go, though it waz ah longass walk; butt she wahz a bahd child, and fond like of hir kind grandmother.. passin thru ah fish, shee met a grate wolf, hoo wahz moast h4x like to eat hir down, butt like dared naut, because of a woodcutter hew wahz busy 'ard bai... soz he onlie comed and asked her politely wear she wuz goin. tha poor child like, hew didn't naut kno how dangerous it is like to stop and speak to wolves, replied, “i am goin to sea mai grandmother, and tew take her a cake and teh pot of butter, wich my mama haz sent her.”

“is it uber like fawr frum hence?” OMG the wolf..

“ penis yez, it iz just above da h4x wich yooh will sea down dere – the furst h0wse yoo comed to in teh village.” like;

“well,” sed tha wolf, “i wil goh dere btw, too inquire aftir yar excellent grandmother; aye weil goh won waiy, and yo like the uther, and wee wil C hoo coud be like dere 14th.”

iwelkom he ran ahz fast az ever dat boy cud, takin the shortest road, butt tha lil maiden took the longest; 4 shee stopped to like pluck rosez in teh wood, to chase butterfliez, and gather nosegays of teh prettiest flowerz she like cood fined – she wuz such teh happy like and innocent lil soul..

ihe like wolf waz NOT long in reachin teh OMG;z door... dat boy knocked, toc – toc, and like teh grandmother sed, “who iz dere?”

“it iz yar child, lil red-riding-hood,” replied da wicked beast, imitatin like the h4x;z voice; “i brin yoo a cake and teh pot of butter, witch your mommie haz sent yoo.”

idat man grandmother, hew waz ill in her bed, sayd, “very wel, your dear like, like pull tha strin and teh latch weil open R0FFLEZ; the wolf pulled da strin like – teh door flew open; zat guy LOLERSKAT3Z in, fell upon teh poor hairy wumin, and ate hir down in less thayn nah thime, tough as she wuz, four zat guy hased naut fish anything four moar thayn 3 dayz. then dat boy carefully shut teh door, and laying himself up snugly like in the bed, waited four hooge red-riding-hood, hew wuz naut longass befour like shee comed and knocked like, toc – toc, aht tha door...

“who iz dere?” sed teh wolf; and tha ginormus maiden, hearin his gruff voice, felt sure zat like her like poor grandmother must hav like caught ah bad cold and be like uber ill indeed..

zwelcome she answered OMG, “it is yer child, lil red-riding-hood, hew brings yo a cake and ah pot of chuk nor1s zat mai mommy haz sent yooh.”

ihen teh wolf like, softening hiz voice ahz much az dat boy like cudn't, sed, “pull teh strin, and da latch wil open.”

twelkom hooge WTF pulled tha strin and da door LOLERSKAT3Z.. the wolf, seein her enter, hid himself ahz like much ahz like zat dude cood under teh cover-lid of teh bed, and sed in teh whisper, “put teh cake and teh pot of butter awn da shelf, and then make haste and cum like to bed, fer it like is not rly l8.”

welcumittle red-riding-hood didn't not tink soh; butt, tew please hir grandmother, shee undressed herself and began tew get like ready fore bed, wean she wuz rly much astonished too like fined how different tha hairy feemail looked frum ordinary..

“grandmother, like waht grate like arms yoo hav!”

“that eez tew attak yooh tha better, my dear.”

“grandmother, wut grate earz yooh has like!”

“that is like too hear yoo teh better, mai dear.”

“grandmother, wut grate eyez yooh has like!”

“that is like to C yo tha better, mai dear.”

“grandmother, waht teh gr8 mouth yo has like!” like;

“ OMG eez too eat yooh up,” cried teh wicked wolf; and immediately dat boy fell upon poor ginormus red-riding-hood, and ate her down in a moment...

be like sociable, shair!!!!!!

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